Mitt Romney Seems To Be Running For President All Of A Sudden

Yes please

[contextly_sidebar id="afy9iC4iq57fIQqs5g1s5ujaIsNKqsPz"]We hoped. We dreamed. We sent our thoughts and prayers to Liberal Skygod. Please, Liberal Skygod, PLEASE can we have Mitt Romney to kick around one more time? But no, Willard McMittens Junior The Third denied us the pleasure, sending our fond wishes to a farm upstate, like a dog whose shitting all over the car during family road trips just isn't that funny anymore. He even rubbed it in our faces, that son of a gun, back in October, saying how glad he was not to be running this time around.

[contextly_sidebar id="NG6cLJEN9v6zoiWe4rTpJk3gWv3wVmqp"]And yet. AND YET. For a twice-failed candidate who has no plans whatsoever, no sir, to swoop in to the presidential race at the last possible moment -- perhaps at oh say a brokered convention ? -- to save the party from itself and one Mr. Donald J. Trump, Romney's hardware has been humming awful loud lately. Last week, he pulled a Harry Reid, demanding to see Trump's tax returns and the all-but-certain "bombshell" hidden in them. And he hasn't stopped flapping his Twitter gums since:

Let's pause for a moment to appreciate that even Romney's own tweet to prove he did TOO release his tax returns in the 2012 election says, right there in plain regular American English words, that he merely released a "partial snapshot." Christ, Mitt's not even in this race (yet), and he's still sucking at it. Good ol' reliable failtastic Mitt.

But it's not just the tax return thing that's got Mitt as heated up as a Mitt can be. (Sort of lukewarm-ish.) He's coming for Trump on all the major issues of the day.

Coddling bigotry is one thing -- like, say, if your high and mighty and mighty insufferable wife Ann is lecturing brown voters to stop liking that President Obama guy and realize her husband is what's best for them and their little brown kids, and they should "get past some of their biases" against the truly inclusive Grand Old Party, for Pete's sake! But repugnant bigotry. Well! That is just too far over the line, Mr. Trump!

And that's not all.

Oh yes . That. The Internets say the New York Times has one humdinger of a recording from its editorial board meeting with Trump, in which Trump says shocking things. What, like we have to get rid of all the Mexicans 'cause they're the ones doing the raping? That we need a total ban on Muslims? That he sure would love to fuck his daughter? Who knows?

But since Romney has already declared Trump is disqualified from the Oval Office, and he has not endorsed any Not Trump candidates, we can only speculate. Maybe, just perhaps, if Trump's "competition" fails to stop him from stomping all o'er them on this, our super duper Super Tuesday, Romney will answer the call of The Establishment to serve his party once more, and have his buttocks served to him in November. Again.

Could we be so lucky? Dare we to believe? Might we have the privilege of witnessing the complete and total destruction of the GOP, once and for all, as it literally eats itself alive in an effort to stop the Trumpening?

Let us bow our heads and burn some organic artisanal handcrafted incense in the name of our dear Liberal Skygod and pray.