Mitt Romney Wants To Be President Even More Than He Wants To Do Business In Iran

Our worst enemy of the moment is, apparently, the Evil Nation of Iran.* But the business of America is business and Mitt Romney is a gazillionaire businessman, so of course he's been doing business in Iran forever. But to run for president these days, you need to act like you're very concerned about the great enemy that is Iran. Romney went so far as to demand state pension funds divest from any companies doing any work in Iran.

Tragically, this has come back to haunt Romney, and the poor little rich boy has been forced to sell off some of his Iranian business holdings.

Mitt says it's not really his fault that he's making so much money from our alleged worst enemies, because he's so outrageously rich that a lot of his business is done by somebody else running a "blind trust." So who really knows how the Romneys are making money? They might be manufacturing all those poison Thomas the Tank Engine toys, or the poison dog food, or the poison toothpaste, or the IEDs in Baghdad. You try keeping track of $250 million.

* Our worst enemy used to be the Evil Nation of Iraq, until we sort of blew up the whole fucking country for democracy, and then it was the Evil Nation of North Korea, but we decided we might as well be friends with them because who really cares, and before that it was the Evil Nation of Afghanistan, which we blew up and then sort of gave up, and at various other times the Evil Nations of Serbia, Yemen, Somalia, Sudan, Granada, Panama, Iraq (again), Vietnam, North Korea (again), the USSR, Germany, Bulgaria, Hungary, Cambodia, Libya, Romania, Britain, Nicaragua, Italy, Japan, Mexico, the Philippines, Algiers, Greece, the Falklands, Argentina, China, Peru, Indonesia, Samoa, Smyrna, the Dominican Republic, Colombia, Honduras and Haiti, and Evil Enemies who somehow got inside the United States such as the Apache, Mormons, Confederates, British, Navajo, Regulators, Moderators, Whiskey Rebellion, Comanche, Seminole, Sioux, Cheyenne and Yakima. Mitt Romney also had financial ties to all of those enemies, experts say.

 Romney Worth As Much As $250 Million [AP/WaPo]