Mitt Romney, With A Week To Think About It: Only A Crazy Person Would Try To Privatize FEMA!

His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney, having had a week to formulate an answer to a rather pertinent question that stupid "reporters" just would not stop asking him, has finally decided what his stance on FEMA is. Are you ready to guess? Here are your options: He is for it; he is against it; he is both for and against it. OK, are you ready to test your Romney IQ?

The correct answer is: "Reply Hazy."

First a reminder of Miffed's previous positions on FEMA: they were, in order:

1. as governor of Massachusetts, sit on your ass until the FEMA money comes, and then don't spend it on people's flooded-out homes.

2. explain that FEMA's responsibilities should be handled by cash-strapped states.

3. explain that it is "immoral" to add to the debt with natural disaster remediation.

4. privatize it. 

Now? Well, you can probably parse this as well as we can, you brilliant Wonkaderos you!

“I believe that FEMA plays a key role in working with states and localities to prepare for and respond to natural disasters,” Romney said. “As president, I will ensure FEMA has the funding it needs to fulfill its mission, while directing maximum resources to the first responders who work tirelessly to help those in need, because states and localities are in the best position to get aid to the individuals and communities affected by natural disasters.”

Does it, Mittens? Does it play a "key role"? Way to go out on a limb there! How about the second part, "As president, I will ensure FEMA has the funding it needs to fulfill its mission"? Who determines whether it has "the funding it needs"? You? Paul Ryan? A death panel? We will go with "a death panel."

And finally, nice try making nice with the "first responders"? We are pretty sure you mean "UNION THUGS" and "WELFARE QUEENS," duh, what are personally bankrupting all the states by having pensions instead of dying old and senile in the streets as God and Ayn Rand intended.

Now let's look at that last little bit, "because states and localities are in the best position to get aid to the individuals and communities affected by natural disasters.” Yes, we are sure Andy Griffith and Don Knotts will be up to the task when their ENTIRE TOWN is under three feet of This Water and This Sand and The Ashes and The Death. 

Good answer, Your Lordship! Now you have put this to rest with some vague generalities, maybe those dumb reporters will go back to wondering about their guts. 

[ WaPo ]