136 Comments

There's a joke somewhere in my brain about how "small government" is a metaphor for their penises, because of their size and how they want it all up in vaginas, but the punch line wouldn't come.

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Besides, he also turned away a couple of white guys who “looked like gangsters”

Meaning what...fedoras, pinstriped double-breasted suits, black shirts and white ties, with flowers in their lapels? Carrying violin cases? Maybe with pencil mustaches?

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Maybe Clarissa can explain it all. ;)

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Don't forget the car wash!

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Ouch.....

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Does this mean I shouldn't wear my splendid waistcoat to the mall?

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FleshLight™ libulz!!1!!

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Actually, that would be the best job he's ever had.

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JET FUEL CAN'T MELT STALE DREAMS

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You don't even want to know what the discount code is for Kwanza.

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It's in there somewhere...

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"Two dollar three eighty"

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OT but watching Bill Mahr and Linda Chavez clearly just said "Moslems" about 4 times SMDH

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I thought shooting someone in a suicide vest was a surefire way to detonate the dang thing (according to my research which consists of watching NCIS reruns). This seems like a bad strategy unless you actually want the mall to blow up. Just sayin'.

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Yeah, but it's got, Electrolytes!

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