Nancy Pelosi Sending Thoughts, Prayers, And A Foot Up Paul Ryan's Ass
She, as always, is sticking that thing right up Paul Ryan's ass.
When we wrote Monday about Nancy Pelosi's very loud opposition to GOP gun-humping bills to Make Silencers Great Again and legalize armor-piercing bullets (cops just LOVE that idea) and allow concealed carry across state lines, we gently and lovingly chided Pelosi for jumping on the Thoughts 'n' Prayers train, because she didn't really mention guns in her initial statement about the Las Vegas massacre. We were merely pointing out that even our best Dems occasionally buy into the NRA/GOP's narrative that the hours after one of our good old American bloodbaths are NOT the time to politicize the tragedy by using political measures to stop the next tragedy. (Those hours are actually the best hours for politicizing them, because people are paying attention. On that note, please read about how Wonkette rudely politicized it almost immediately! )
The thing is, Leader Pelosi DID say other things on Monday, and we should note them. After doing thoughts 'n' prayers, she fired off a letter to Speaker Paul Ryan, encouraging him to GET OFF HIS ASS AND DO SOMETHING about our uniquely American problem of waking up on a regular basis to learn that some Bad Guy With A Gun reached for the readily available arsenal at his disposal and decided to go murder everyone.
Pelosi didn't assume Ryan was smart enough to come up with his own ideas for how to help, so she made two specific demands:
1) "Congress must pass the bipartisan King-Thompson legislation to strengthen the life-saving background checks that keep guns out of the wrong hands." This is a complete no-brainer. The bill, which Democrat Mike Thompson and Republican Peter King introduce in every Congress, simply expands background checks to include gun shows, internet and private sales ... you know, all the places any old asshole who can't pass a background check can buy all the guns he wants. It might have helped in a place like Las Vegas, where, as Rachel Maddow reported Monday night, there is a gun show just about every goddamned day. It wouldn't even be politically risky, since 90% of Americans support universal background checks. The other 10% should probably be on a watch list of some sort. Just saying .
But, Pelosi adds, "this is only a first step."
2) Pelosi would like Ryan to "create a Select Committee on Gun Violence to study and report back common sense legislation to help end this crisis." It would be bipartisan, so the GOP could make sure Democrats aren't breaking into gun-humpers' houses and confiscating their guns, and Democrats could help the Republicans stay on task working to solve the problem of gun violence, slapping the NRA's dick out of the their mouths as needed. This is just a great idea! Hey, if it was pressing enough to let Rep. Trey Gowdy jerk off into a lake full of taxpayer money for months and months with his Select Committee on Benghazi, why not do a select committee to study SOMETHING REAL THIS TIME? Worth a shot!
Pelosi concludes her letter by saying we really can do Thoughts 'n' Prayers at the same time as we're doing something about the problem:
Today is a day for prayer, mourning and love, but it must also be a day for action. As Members of Congress, our words of comfort to the families of the victims of the Las Vegas massacre will ring hollow unless we take long overdue action to ensure that no other family is forced to endure such an unimaginable tragedy.
Will Ryan listen? LOL ARE YOU NEW HERE? Today, Ryan's House of Representatives is voting (again) on a 20-week abortion ban, because that's pressing . We guess that's why they were all too busy (pussy) to go on "Morning Joe" and talk about Las Vegas today. No really! Mika Brzezinski said Tuesday morning after interviewing yet another Democratic lawmaker that they had invited a number of Republicans, but everybody was too busy (pussy) to show up.
Meanwhile, Ryan is blah-blahing empty-headed pretty boy platitudes about "our shock, our condolences, & our prayers," and tweeting things like this:
Considering the number of ameros Ryan takes from the NRA, we're pretty sure we know what Ryan thinks "defines us as a country," and it is GUNS! GUNS! MORE PENIS GUNS! GUNS FOR EVERYBODY! EVEN THE MENTALLY ILL! GUUUUUUUUUUUNS!
From his Tuesday morning presser:
CHRIST, what an asshole.
All right, folks, you have another 'SIGNMENT to do, and it is to call your Congresspeople and demand they support Nancy Pelosi's plan to twist Paul Ryan's gym bunny nuts until they fall off, and also to pass universal background check legislation and establish a select committee to see if MAYBE JUST FUCKING POSSIBLY MAYBE Congress might be able to find the courage to do something about this problem.
We gotta start somewhere, and nut-twisting Paul Ryan seems as good a place as any.
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My only home invaders over the past 49 years have been ants. They're usually easily dealt with by some light cleaning and some vinegar.
Boiling water, if you really want to piss them off. Or a gallon of gas and a match if you want to risk burning down the neighborhood . . .