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New Study Proves You're Already Tired of This Crap
Political experts announced today that the two-year-long 2008 presidential campaign has already completely bored the 1% of the nation that's paying any attention at all and that candidates are in danger of being physically attacked by primary-state voters who demand to be left alone this summer. Hooray for the new official disease you can probably use to get some oxycontin from the doctor: Campaign Fatigue Disorder.
The horrible ailment afflicts political reporters, talk-show hosts, bloggers, campaign volunteers and especially the miserable people of New Hampshire, Iowa, Nevada and South Carolina, who are subjected to hundreds of hours of campaign ads on radio and teevee even though the primaries are still at least six months away and the election itself is seventeen months away. That's two summers, two falls, one winter and one spring from now.
Luckily we'll soon start a nuclear war with Iran or someplace, so the election will seem "fresh" again when the few thousand American survivors finally climb out of their basements and take their first look at the smoking, poisonous landscape.