Newt Gingrich Over The Moon About Moving To Italy With Lovely, Wide-Eyed Third Wife, Divorcing Her

Newt and Callista Gingrich we guess

Remember that time Newt Gingrich went to the hospital to chat about divorce with his first wife Jackie while he was having an affair with his second wife Marianne? Jackie was just there for a little cancer surgery, and according to the Washington Post , it wasn't some huge surprise, because their marriage was in the shitter anyway, but regardless, it is part of the canon of What A Great Guy Newt Gingrich Is.

Now, we're not aware of any anecdotes about Newticles visiting his wife Marianne in the hospital and announcing his intention to divorce her, all while he was already making sweet Newton Leroy Gingrich Boner Sexxx to Callista. We imagine Newt prefers each divorce to be a little different from the last! Of course, we have no evidence that he wants to divorce Callista, we're just saying we wouldn't be surprised if Newt got all "When In Rome" about his marriage once he moves there with Callista, and by "When In Rome," we mean he might start fucking the locals. Who can say!

The Politico thing is interesting, if you're a glutton for Newt Gossip:

When he moves to Rome with his wife, Callista Gingrich, to become husband of the ambassador to the Holy See, the ubiquitous Fox News talking head will have no official diplomatic role abroad, beyond being generally presentable and essentially not heard from.

"Presentable" and "not heard from." Sounds like Newt Gingrich to us!

Apparently he went to "spouse school," where he learned how to be a good ambassador's wife. He's all excited about getting to pick out the art and the furniture for the embassy, and he says you have to have TWO refrigerators, because one is for hosting guests, which is taxpayer-funded, and the other is the personal stash for whatever Newt Gingrich likes to eat. We don't know why we're imagining hundreds of cans of Vienna sausages and a shit ton of Cool Whip, but we are.

Gingrich says he'll still contribute to Fox News, in case you were having a fretful heart attack over whether or not he'd still be available to share his wisdom.

Otherwise, we imagine he'll have lots of free timefor adulterywhile he's over there in Rome being seen and not heard. And if his fourth wife's name ends up being Giulia, that will just prove how fucking psychic we are over here at the Wonkette. We predicted President Dipshit looking at the sun, didn't we?

Also, it's your OPEN THREAD!

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[ Politico ]