Space commander Newt Gingrich has issued a special sad secret video communique from space with terrifying news from the future: "I want to take this opportunity to give you an insider advance notice that..." -- WHAT IS IT, WE HATE SUSPENSE -- "...on Wednesday, I'll be officially suspending the campaign." Oh no, that is terrible. We were praying for "massive comets are hurtling toward Earth," to avoid the rest of the general election season. But commander,
Is he going to tune in, turn on, and drop out?
Newt never bothers with that. He just trades them in when they start giving problems.
Subconsciously, a deep-seated cry for help.
So long, Newt! Don't let the door hit ya where the lord gave you a giant, wobbly, two-bathroom split ya.
This announcement should have came a year ago.
The Robert Caro of Freddie Mac leaves the field of battle.
I come here not to praise Newt, but to bury his lying lame ass self.