North Texas Groom In $59M Viral ‘Wedding Of The Century’ Accused Of Shooting At Police. Tabs, Wed., Dec. 6, 2023

The WHAT? Morning news roundup!

Tabs gif by your friend Martini Glambassador!

Okay, sure, yeah yeah, Sen. Bob Menendez’s (D) gold bribe bars were “linked to a robbery,” but the guy they were robberied from got them back from the fuzz before he gave them to Sen. Bob Menendez (D) as a bribe. So it’s not like the gold bribe bars were ill-gotten gains, that we know of. Just bribes! (New York Post)

Republicans have a good idea, it is do not let the young people vote! — Thom Hartmann

This lady’s fetus is not going to make it. She would like this nice Your Honor to please let her have an abortion. The Texas Supreme Court is currently deciding whether the state’s abortion ban applies to fetuses with lethal diagnoses, and the Texas AG is all like ABSOLUTELY NOT, LAW THE LAW. What is even the purpose of that? Fuck that, I don’t want to know. (19th News)

House Speaker (?) Mike Johnson (??) is blurring the faces of the rioters in the January 6 footage, because he doesn’t want them to be “retaliated” against (prosecuted for invading the Capitol). (MSNBC)

Speaking of which! New Jack Smith filing just dropped, aka “All the Times He Said With His Mouth He Wasn’t Going to Abide by the Vote and Also Promised to Pardon Everybody and His Campaign Told Poll Watchers to Riot.” — Filing

LOL Elno’s cyberfrrrbrk, here’s why it is The Worst! (Ryan Cooper at The American Prospect)

I know some of y’all hate Noah Smith. (I think he’s interesting!) But would you like him if he explained that the economy is actually “truly excellent”? No, you like him worse now? Damn it. (Noah Pinion)

American visa ban for Israeli settlers in the West Bank who have been (increasingly) attacking Palestinians. Of interest will be what happens to American settlers on the West Bank who attack Palestinians. — Axios

Hot damn, that is some weak sauce War on Christmas, even for Fox News. But it didn’t stop the most deranged death threats from “Christians”! (Bill Lueders at The Bulwark)

Rosalynn Carter’s cheese ring does not look delicious to me! (Or to your friend Martini Glambassador, who sent it on.) But the story is sweet, and it’s Rosalynn Carter’s cheese ring! (Spatchcock)

It does seem like the kind of thing that would happen to someone who sold their house to go on a three-year cruise. What’s news is … she’s got a really great attitude! — People mag

You know who doesn’t? THIS GUY. The WHAT NOW WEDDING and did WHAT? (FYI, she married him AFTER he shot at the cops.)

The bride’s father, Bob Brockway, owns a group of Mercedes-Benz dealerships in Florida but lives in the Fort Worth area. A wedding registry for the couple includes a $12,500 crystal butterfly house, $860 gravy boat and $430 figurine of a cowboy rabbit.

Telling you guys, it’s all the Buddy Garritys of the world and their no-good POS sons in law be the death of us. — Dallas Morning News

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