Oh hi, it’s your Friday tabs.
Donald Trump is on his way back from China, where he was thoroughly humiliated and mocked to his face by President Xi. How badly was he humiliated? So badly that this is his pathetic attempt to cover for the fact that Xi called the US a declining nation to his face.
Sure, loser bitch, the president of China was talking about Joe Biden and “transgender for everybody, men in women’s sports, DEI,” and all of Biden’s bad trade deals, that’s what he meant when he invoked the “Thucydides Trap.” And suuuuure, Trump totally understands the reference. Suuuuuuuuuuure, you dumb bitch.
So that must be one of the most humiliating moments the United States of America has ever been through, right up there with all the other embarrassments Trump has directly caused. [Telegraph / Daily Beast / New York Times]
Colbert’s last show is nearing (May 21), and he spent some time last night making fun of Trump in China, because fuck Donald Trump is why.
You can officially keep getting your abortion pills online, per SCOTUS, and oh boy, Samuel Alito and Clarence Thomas are maaaaaaaad. [NBC News]
James Comer, stupidest hayseed pigfuck in the whole House of Representatives, says he’s probably running for Kentucky governor in 2027. Oh, won’t you miss him! [Mediaite]
Trump DOJ will drop charges against Indian billionaire indicted on bribery charges in exchange for him bribing them now? Sure sounds like it. [New York Times]
Jonathan V. Last’s letter to the “Panicrats” is WE ARE GOING TO WIN. So take heart. [JVL at the Bulwark]
Actual New York Times headline: Talarico’s Taco Order Turns Into a Texas-Sized Debate. Oh no, does James Talarico eat secret gay vegan breakfast tacos? [New York Times]
Catherine Rampell welcomes incoming Fed chair Kevin Warsh — who wanted this job SO BAD — to his new position, and explains that he is already “cooked.” For one thing, he’s not gonna be able to lower interest rates the way Trump is demanding. [Bulwark]
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For your Saturday movie night, per Ziggy: “We are watching A Street Cat Named Bob, it is available for free with ads on YouTube; free with ads on Tubi and Fandango at Home. $3.99 in the usual places.” So now you know!
Here is some Fats Waller.
Short tabs today, but hey, you’re not our real dad, so you don’t dictate how many words are in tabs. Goodbye until there are more stories for you to read!
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Call me cray, but when someone tells me "your house is falling apart" my immediate reaction is ALWAYS to say he means because the last owners did not do upkeep and I am making my house great again