Here's King Barack Obama Calling Michelle 'Fine' Like Some Guy Who Loves His Wife And Thinks She's Hot

Oh my stars!

OK, we know you all want to talk aboutHunter Biden's laptopthe death of Queen Elizabeth. And you may!

BUT U.S. AMERICAN WEBSITES ARE NOT REQUIRED TO CHANGE THEIR WHOLE ENTIRE SCHEDULES WHEN THE BRITISH MONARCH PASSES AWAY WHAT DID WE EVEN FIGHT THAT WAR FOR?

Seriously, though, we are in for 10 days of events relating to the death of Elizabeth and the ascension of Charles and the vivisepulture of whatever of her Corgis are left, allegedly . We are sure we will have many opportunities in the coming days to write things related to the goings-on of the royal family, especially as the American media interacts with world events. (Seriously, it's 10 days! Take an afternoon to read this whole thing about everything that's being set in motion right this very second by people more British than you are.) Afterward we shall be so enamored of our new King Charles that we will evermore write about nothing but the royal family and we will change our blog name to "The Daily Mail."

But right now the king of America (SPEAK AMERICAN!) is Joe Biden and Barack Obama. (They serve together.) And yesterday, Joe Biden brought Barack Obama and Michelle Obama to the White House so they could all look at the Obamas' portraits together, and Barack Obama summed up the true meaning of the moment when he thanked the portrait painter for capturing that Michelle, his wife of many years, is "fine."

Yes, he sure as hell did embarrass his wife like that, and that is why he is the king.

“"I want to thank Sharon Sprung for capturing everything I love about Michelle. Her grace, her intelligence – And the fact that she's fine." - Barack Obama on Michelle’s portrait”

— philip lewis (@philip lewis) 1662574891 

Likewise, Obama was pissed — OK, he was fooling — when he said the person who made his painting, Robert McCurdy, refused to make his gray hairs go away or his ears smaller or his tan suit not treason.

Haha, "tan suit" joke.

“Obama: You’ll note that he refused to hide any of my grey hairs. Refused my request to make my ears smaller. He also talked me out of wearing a tan suit”

— Acyn (@Acyn) 1662574656 

Michelle Obama talked too! She thanked Barack Obama for being such a SPICY.

“Michelle Obama: Let me thank my husband for such spicy remarks”

— Acyn (@Acyn) 1662574836 

And then she got super-fuckin'-serious and you should watch every second of this.

“Michelle Obama: For me this day is not about what has happened, it’s also about what could happen because a girl like me, she was never supposed to be up there next to Jacqueline Kennedy…”

— Acyn (@Acyn) 1662575507 

"A girl like me, she was never supposed to be up there next to Jacqueline Kennedy and Dolley Madison. She was never supposed to live in this house, and she definitely wasn't supposed to serve as first lady."

No really, watch the whole thing.

 She also talked about AHEM peaceful transitions of power, and how integral that is to our democracy. "And once our time is up, we move on. And all that remains in this hallowed place are our good efforts and these portraits, portraits that connect our history to the present day."

“Michelle Obama: We hold an inauguration to ensure a peaceful transition of power… Once our time is up, we move on”

— Acyn (@Acyn) 1662576231 

One more video?

OK here's one more, and it is a silly one. Here are the Obamas being very mad at the entire world for not naming any of their children "Barack" or "Michelle."

“Obama: I am thrilled to see that you started families of your own. I am a little disappointed that I haven’t heard of anyone naming a kid Barack yet”

— Acyn (@Acyn) 1662574449 

As always, thank you to @Acyn for making all these videos so we could gently copy off their paper and turn it into a blog post.

Now if you'll excuse us, we need to cut out of this post pretty fast because in case you haven't heard THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND DIED.

It's kind of what they call "breaking news," no time to just sit around here watching Obama videos, OK?

OPEN THREAD.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here! 

Have you heard that Wonkette DOES NOT EXIST without your donations? Please hear it now, and if you have ever enjoyed a Wonkette article, throw us some bucks, or better yet, SUBSCRIBE!

 Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons .