Obama Preparing 'Jobs Plan' To Give $961.04 To Each American

According to somebody who telephoned CNN, Barack Obama's jobs plan will involve somehow spending $300 billion because of tax cuts, and then people will have jobs again.No really this is what the article says.That's $961.04 for every man, woman, transgender and child in America! Happy days are here again! Nine-hundred-and-sixty-one dollars! Enough for rent this month, plus some rice-a-roni!

 CNN reports:  

President Barack Obama is preparing to roll out a roughly $300 billion plan to strengthen the shaky economy and stimulate new job growth, according to Democratic sources. The plan would be paid for partly by closing corporate loopholes and raising taxes on the wealthiest Americans in the future, a Democrat familiar with the plan told CNN.

The president is expected to unveil his plan -- focused partly on new infrastructure spending and targeted tax cuts -- during an address Thursday evening to a joint session of Congress.

Sources added that by tomorrow night, in anticipation of Republican opposition, Obama will have reduced his "jobs plan" to nothing but a $300 billion tax cut for the richest hundred people in America. [ CNN ]