Off the Record with Off the Record

MINDY: Hi! I'm Mindy!

KATIE: I'm Katie! We're the hosts of GOP.com's "Off The Record." It's a hip GOP webcast for young people!

MINDY: We do candid interviews with Party leaders that go beyond the usual TV news soundbites!

KATIE: God, they keep it dark in here! I haven't seen sunshine in over a week!

MINDY: Some people think that RNC militants are holding us hostage!

KATIE: Our perky but monotonous speaking patterns are sonota sign of brain-washing!

MINDY: Before we start taping, we bludgeon ourselves with hammers! That deadens our senses and makes us more serious-seeming!

KATIE: Also, I'm a remedial reader. That's why I stumble so much! Not cuz I'm scared!

MINDY: When we trip on our words, young voters connect with us!

KATIE: You almost never trip, Mindy! You have a real knack for words!

MINDY: Also, we have no last names! Young voters love that!

KATIE: Ari Fleischer terrifies me!

MINDY: Young people also love music! So we have our guests pretend to love music too! Ken Mehlman loves Zeppelin!

KATIE: I haven't been fed for seventeen days!

MINDY: Our guests like to talk about the news media! They don't love the news media as much as they love music!

KATIE: TV news should be more like campaign bumperstickers!

MINDY: Bumperstickers give voters information without all the bias!

KATIE: Not everyone has time to read though!

MINDY: That's why we make "Off the Record."

KATIE: Oh, God! Here comes Alberto Gonzales again! Please, no more wet towels!

MINDY: Well! That's all for this week, guys! Be sure to tune in next week! We'll be asking Newt Gingrich if he has any pets!

— GREG BEATO

 Off The Record [GOP.com]