OH GO FUCK YOURSELF, DONALD TRUMP JR.
Piece. Of. Shit.
By now you probably have seen this Halloween lesson from Donald Trump Jr., the misshapen sack of badger foreskin God accidentally pooped into existence when one of Daddy's mutant sperms collided with one of Mommy's eggs:
Yeah, Junior, we get it. You've worked hard all your life to earn what you have, and you don't want these lazy welfare queens taking all your riches to buy their Obamaphones and their menthol cigarettes.
Except for how it's the opposite of that. Junior, whose bizarre face alone would disqualify him from most jobs that involve leaving the house without a bag over his head, has done literally nothing in his life, besides perhaps colluding with Russia to help steal an election, in a pathetic play for his father's approval. His daddy's daddy had some money, which he gifted to his mediocre son, the orange thing with the tiny hands. Daddy proceeded to use that money to become one of the world's most mocked "business guys," due to how he really sucks at business.
Nonetheless, there are enough riches (much of it perhaps from illegal business dealings, but we'll let special counsel Robert Mueller suss all that out while we're over here making dick jokes about how Junior's face looks like it was painted by Picasso, had Picasso been playing day-drunk Pin The Tail On The Donkey at the time) that the Trump offspring also have money, yet they haven't done a goddamn thing to earn it.
But yeah, Junior, please tell us about how you're using a fun, innocent thing like trick-or-treating to teach your nice daughter how to be an entitled dumpster shit just like her Daddy. Gonna take her out to murder endangered species next? Maybe you could teach her about how it's wrong when dirty old men do unsolicited bad touches to women, unless of course it's her grandpa doing it, because he's a celebrity, and celebrities can do whatever they want. Junior has many wise parenting lessons to impart, but the little stinkers grow up so fast!
Twitter has of course responded to The Perpetually Skidmarked Taint (ALLEGEDLY), and there's no way we can reproduce ALL THE BESTEST replies, but we can highlight a few of our favorites, starting with this one from yr own Wonkette $5 Dollar Feminist, whom you should be following on the Twitterbox:
Perhaps you enjoy the rude stylings of the wonderful Rude Pundit:
J.K. Rowling stabbed right into the heart of Junior's black soul and undeserved wealth:
And finally, here is Bill Kristol, because WE LIVE IN THE UPSIDE DOWN NOW and we actually enjoy following Bill Kristol on Twitter, oh my god what is the fucking world coming to:
That's right, even an old conservative tax-cutty bootstrappin' curmudgeon like Bill Kristol thinks Junior is a stupid, mediocre fucking dick who should shut his fucking yap and delete his fucking account.
No word on whether Kristol also thinks Junior should see a doctor about getting his facial features rearranged to make him look more like a person, but Wonkette definitely does.
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