Oh No, Republicans Think The Satanic Temple Are For Real Satanists Who Worship Satan

Wait til they find out about the Pastafarians.

In the days since the Supreme Court decided to let Texas go ahead and have their abortion bounty hunting law, The Satanic Temple* has announced their intention to fight the law by claiming that it violates the religious beliefs of Satanists who consider abortion to be a sacred rite.

Anyone who has been on the internet for any reasonable amount of time, of course, knows what this is about. The Satanic Temple isn't actually a group of actual Satanists, they're a nontheistic group that essentially exists to troll "religious freedom" laws. Someone, somewhere wants to put up a copy of the Ten Commandments or a nativity scene on public grounds, The Satanic Temple comes in and says "Well if you do that, then you've gotta let us put up our big statue of Baphomet." A public school wants to have Christian after school programs, they come in and say "Then you've gotta let us implement After School Satan programs."

They've been around for almost a decade and are quite Google-able. On the first page of their Google results, one can clearly see their Wikipedia page, along with the sentence "The Satanic Temple is a nontheistic religious and human rights group based in the United States." You would have to really go out of your way to know absolutely nothing about the group while still knowing enough about them to know that that they are fighting the Texas abortion law by claiming abortion is a sacred rite in their religion.

And yet, some of the stupidest people on the internet have managed to do just that.

It all started last Sunday when Jack Posobiec, who shot to fame on the tails of promoting the Pizzagate nonsense he claims he never actually believed, tweeted, in all seriousness, that "Satanists have announced they are making child sacrifice through abortion an official ritual of the Satanic Temple."

Satanists have announced they are making child sacrifice through abortion an official ritual of the Satanic Temple https: //t.co/l2r0h0GfOx

— Jack Posobiec 🇺🇸 (@Jack Posobiec 🇺🇸) 1630887935.0 

Jim Hoft at Gateway pundit quickly picked up the story and detailed several more actions The Satanic Temple had participated in over the years, Jim Hoft being clearly under the impression that they are actual Satanists.

As The Gateway Pundit has previously reported — Satanists have supported abortion rights and Planned Parenthood for years.

They held a satanic milk bath protest in 2015 in support of Planned Parenthood.

In 2015 Satanists raised cash to support the Democrats' abortion-on-demand policy.

In 2017 Planned Parenthood teamed up with satanists to expand their Missouri abortion business.

In 2019 Virginia Governor Ralph Northam promoted killing live babies following a botched abortion.

In 2020 Satanists confirmed that abortion is a "satanic ritual" and should be protected under religious freedom laws.

And last week the Satanic Temple attacked the Texas abortion law arguing that it violates their freedom to perform "abortion rituals."

Abortion is a sacrament to the Satanists. It's all out in the open today.

It's so sad how badly they want there to be a real version of what sheltered Evangelical Christians think Satanists are.

The news was then picked up by the equally batshit Natural News, where writer Ethan Huff was disappointed that Satanists no longer had the common decency to hide their great love of child sacrifice.

It is apparently no longer taboo to talk about and admit these types of things in public. The Satanists of old would have had at least some restrain in making known their true beliefs, but now the Church of Satan has basically merged with the Democrat Party to try to normalize baby murder as just another "constitutional right."

Nowhere in the Constitution does it say that murdering one's own children or the children of another is a "right," of course. But Democrats and Satanists, which are now one and the same, believe otherwise.

"Satanists are politically aligned with Democrats," wrote one commenter at The Gateway Pundit .

"Planned Parenthood and Satan are in cahoots, so the sooner the Supreme Court overturns Roe vs Wade, the better," responded another.

"Satanists and Democrats: both groups are passionately defending the butchery of the unborn. The only difference: the Satanists know they are Satanists," added yet another.

On and on the comments go, reading much like the others: Being a Democrat and being a Satanist are basically the same thing. And to those who claim to be Christian Democrats, well, you had better reflect on what it is you actually believe because your religion certainly does not align with your politics.

I don't know which thing I like better — using comments on Gateway Pundit as proof that "being a Democrat and being a Satanist are basically the same thing" or the part where they pine for the Reasonable Satanists of old like a bunch of upper middle class Democrats pining for the imaginary days of Ronald Reagan and Tip O'Neil being super best buds. They're both fantastic, really.

There are, of course, real Satanists (many of whom have their own issues with The Satanic Temple), but the child-sacrificing, devil-worshiping Satanists in the imaginations of Posobiec, those at Gateway Pundit and Natural News, and other sheltered evangelical Christians? They do not actually exist . That shit is totally made up, by Christians — which is super weird when you think about it. Like they basically invented a "religion" full of things they think would be bad and scary, that would just be the polar opposite of their religion, and then they think people are going to go around actually practicing it? That's not how anything works. No one is gonna go start or join a religion that's like, specifically based only on doing and teaching the opposite of whatever another religious does and teaches, plus spooky outfits. As far as I know, "Opposite Buddhism" is not a thing.

It seems almost impossible that anyone who has lived on this planet for more than a day and has seen the internet before doesn't know that The Satanic Temple is a troll, but I suppose one should never underestimate the ignorance of the Right.

*I am aware that Lucien Greaves and the Satanic Temple have issues, but this is less about them than about the people who think they are for real.

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