Some of the worst women involved in the MAGA movement, in the bowels sense of the word, have announced they are retiring/taking breaks from Podcastlandia in order to focus on their families or whatever.
They also want you to know that it totally has nothing to do with the landslide midterms victory of a heavily pissed-off electorate and a freshly reinvigorated, young, diverse Democratic Party that is hellbent on accountability. It’s just a coincidence that their families need extra time and care right after an historic election, dummy!
I decided to listen to their podcasts for the first time for the purpose of this article, because I began to think I might be missing something, like maybe they’re a little bit funny, or have some sort of broadcast talents I’m overlooking, or offer some kind of value to the national discussion at large that I’m not seeing.
Boy, was I wrong! It’s just racism and bigotry all the way down. These podcasts aren’t going to listen to themselves though, so here goes.
Katie Miller
Time lasted listening to podcast: four minutes, 39 seconds.
As weird, creepy, lightbulb-headed oldest-41-year-old-in-recorded-history white nationalist Stephen Miller ascends to the position of Donald Trump’s chief of staff, his weird, creepy wife has packed her podcast in, saying that she needs more time with her family, LOL.
But it sounded so cool!
Several Cabinet members, including Secretary of State Marco Rubio, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth and Secretary of Transportation Sean P. Duffy appeared on the podcast, often with their spouses. The episodes often covered political and social issues, parenting, and balancing work with family life.
If that description makes you want to die, well, the best thing I can say about it is that the show is even worse, at least for the time I managed to hang in there and watch Miller stammer her way through her words. She somehow manages to suck all the charisma out of every line she utters, until she makes whatever room she is sitting in a black hole of blandness, from which no joy or happiness will ever escape.
One of the things I probably talk about way too much is that I was a broadcast professional and come from a family of broadcast professionals. I worked in national-international radio, then left the networks to work in Los Angeles, which was at the time the place all the super-duper profesh radio people worked, and also, for some reason, me! So I got to spend years roaming the hallways of the old Columbia Square building, where CBS once reigned, looking for the ghosts of broadcasters past. I never found any, but I did get some horrible flashes about the dreadful broadcasting we were all going to face in the future, which all came to fruition just a few years later with the Trump administration!
That’s my way of saying I made it through several minutes of her dreadful delivery to get a sense of her message and it’s just dogshit: Warmed-over propaganda which she clearly didn’t write and maybe barely previewed before going live, and the same boring heteronormative talking points in each one, which comes across to us like basically:
How to please your man!
How to make babies for your man!
How to clean your home for your man!
THE TRANSGENDER QUESTION.
How to look pretty for your man!
It’s exactly what you might expect from someone with no personality. It’s like watching racist paint dry. It’s like being stuck in a prison with beige walls decorated with homemade “Live, Laugh, Love” posters. What a fucking nightmare.
She also farted out a tweet about it:
I make every decision based on what’s best for my children and our family.
With @StephenM taking on this new role for President Trump, I’ve decided to stop recording new podcast episodes.
Nothing is more important than raising our four kids. While I’ve loved the podcast, the time commitment is too great and now is the time to step away.
I’ll be cheering President Trump and his team on from outside the administration.
I will be airing the two previously taped episodes.
Did she get fired, from podcasting?
I couldn’t help but notice the extremely low viewership. Maybe I have something in common with MAGA wackjobs after all, in that I find Katie Miller to be repulsive, yet also boring!
Laura Loomer
Time lasted listening to podcast: 29 minutes, 59 seconds (but I blacked out for 25 minutes).
The one thing I will say about Laura Loomer is that while she is also extremely weird and profoundly creepy, and her delivery sounds like a truffle pig snuffling at a tree root in the forest because she can’t seem to breathe through her nose very well, and she doesn’t preview her copy at all, at least she’s a lot less boring than Katie Miller.
To put it another way, if listening to Miller is like being locked in a “Live, Laugh, Love” prison with beige walls, listening to Laura Loomer is like being held captive in a cabin in the middle of the woods while she sharpens a spoon to remove your kidney to snack on. I’m terrified, but I’m not bored!
But they have a lot in common other than that. For example, they are both extremely racist and insane.
Here’s the points that Laura Loomer’s podcasts seem to hit, although it’s kind of hard to listen when my soul is trying to leave my body.
ATTACK AND DEVOUR ALL FOREIGNERS.
Laura Loomer is cool!
ATTACK AND DEVOUR ALL FOREIGNERS.
Laura Loomer IS TOTALLY COOL, OKAY? QUIT LAUGHING!
ATTACK AND DEVOUR ALL FOREIGNERS.
But whereas I only speculate that someone else writes Katie’s copy, largely because she is clearly way too stupid to be writing her own, we can express more confidence that Loomer does not, thanks to a Washington Post story that came out over the weekend, suggesting she’ll let anybody do put words in her mouth if they pay her enough:
Bank transaction emails and a wire transfer statement reviewed by The Washington Post appear to show four payments totaling more than $60,000 sent to Loomer and a Florida-based company registered in her name, King Breaker Media, since May of last year.
The documents do not specify the purpose of the payments, but two people familiar with the arrangements said they were for political posts. […]
Roughly one hour after The Post discussed the claims with Loomer, she announced on X that she is taking a hiatus from her online show, “Loomer Unleashed,” so she could pursue a more “healthy work life balance” and prepare for her upcoming wedding.
Her upcoming wedding, of course!
Anyway if you loved those two podcasts and are reading this wondering what to try next, we guess you could ask Grok to rewrite Hitler’s speeches in the style of a Cosmopolitan romance questionnaire.
Or you could just read Wonkette and become smarter?
OPEN THREAD.
Still trying to process this news about Skepti. Condolences to Paul and her family. RIP.
Pouring one out (down my throat) and lighting one up for Sister Skepti, my sibling in hard living.
I think she’d approve.
May the wind be upon her back, and the sun upon her face, and may the wings of the angels carry her aloft to dance with the stars.
She was my friend.