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Old Handsome Joe Biden Has Ten Percent Chance Of Becoming Earth's Most Important Human Tonight
Every once in a while, some lucky American who is not the president gets to be The Most Important Human Being On Earth. For a while, it was Olympia Snowe! Sometimes, it was that schmuck from Nebraska, Ben something, fuck that guy. After tonight though, there is a 10 percent chance it will be our own true forever love, Old Handsome Joe Biden.
According to the goodly folk at Ghost Andrew Breitbart's Internet Study Hall, mathgeek Nate Silver predicts a 10 percent chance of a tied Senate here. (It's there in a graph somewhere.) This 10 percent chance of ol' Joey becoming HISTORY'S GREATEST MONSTER TYRANT OF THE SENATE is less than the 26 percent chance Dems have of actually keeping their Senate (for what good that's done them), but whatevs, it gives us a chance to love up on some Joe! Let's get to it.
Here is Joe in a yarmulke. The yarmulke means he can tell Bibi Netanyahu to shut his clucker.
Here is Young Handsome Joe Biden. Stop touching yourselves, perverts!
Here is Joe with his Hot Bitch. Stop touching yourselves, lady perverts!
And here, of course, is your favorite Joe: the Joe who can whisper sweet fuckings in a biker chick's ear right in front of her old man, impotent with rage. Sorry biker dudes. Your woman is Biden's woman now. As are all women, young, old, big, small, biker, civilian, vegetable, mineral.
At the very least a 50-50 Senate would keep us tuned to the Span.