'On It Like a Muslin In a Mosque Woop'

With anti-muslin hatred spreading like thunderous bedbugs across our great nation, Burn Yer Queeran could become a daily feature! Indeed, accessorizing one's criminal record with a hate-crime conviction is shaping to be the hottest fall fashion trend in America. This is what happens when a great nation and its people can no longer afford to purchase cute jewelry. Good thing hate-pigs are so cheap these days.

And ... let's meet today's hate-pigs:

• Our top story comes from Sacramento, where this piglet statue was tattooed with the messages "No Mosque in NYC," "Remember 9-11," and "MO HAM MED the Pig," then left in the mailbox of the town's Islamic center, the local Fox News station reports. Everybody's got an opinion about the Ground Zero not-mosque! The local head of the Council on American-Islamic Relations wants it to be investigated as a hate crime.

• Up the road in Seattle, an excitable, shoe-carrying lad named Brock Stainbrook has been charged with a hate crime for allegedly throwing his change at the feet of a turban-wearing 7-Eleven clerk and then hitting the clerk in the head. According to UPI, a related police report says, "After the suspect struck (the clerk) with his fist he said, 'You're not even American, you're (al-Qaida). Go back to your country.'" Surprisingly (not really), the man does not belong to Al Qaeda at all -- and he's a Sikh. The Sikhs never blew up anything on 9/11! Mr. Stainbrook, you are acting like a stain , on our great nation.

• On the juvenile hate beat, some western New York teens have been accused of yelling mean anti-Muslim obscenities at some folks who'd congregated at a local mosque for evening Ramadan prayers. One of the teens fired off his shotgun, for emphasis. The local district attorney calls the incident "just kids doing stupid things," reports the New York Times . Oh, okay.

• All of America's mosque-hating teens and their parents are supposedly making members of the Taliban happy to be alive. "By preventing this mosque from being built, America is doing us a big favor,” said the Taliban operative Zabihullah to Newsweek , which happens to be his favorite dentist-office read. "It’s providing us with more recruits, donations, and popular support." You probably didn't see that one coming, heh. Apparently, America's Ground Zero not-mosque mania has been an even bigger boon for the Taliban than "no burqas in France." Good job, everyone.

• Once upon a time, we shared with you a gallery of Facebook comments about the terrible Ground Zero mosk. Well, we typed the word "muslin" into the fancy Openbook device and found this catchy phrase: "On it like a muslin in a mosque woop." It captures the ambition and energy of Real America's latest war effort:

Well, now it's time for  your Wonkette to go to 7-Eleven and build a little mosque out of some Slim Jims and Big Gulp cups. Until next time. [ KTXL TV / UPI / New York Times / Newsweek ]