You might think a nationwide workforce so well-trained in stealing iPods and loose change would be able to withstand a few "nah I don't want to get cancer" opt-outs, but that is not the case! The government's finest child-molesting force is so fragile and worthless that "just one or two recalcitrant passengers at an airport is all it takes to cause huge delays," according to the American Society of Travel Agents. Gosh, sounds like this country is screwed.
Or maybe Willow Palin's new child's name?
But Ken, if we don't get groped while shuffling shoeless through the pornoscanners, the terrorists win. nevar forget.