477 Comments

Here’s what Bannon can purchase from the commissary. Many personal care items, a category he should investigate.

https://www.bop.gov/locations/institutions/edg/EDG_CommList.pdf

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I'm no fan of our prisons, or of putting most people in them, but this asshole is like prison's biggest fan when he's taking about non-whites. So, serves him right. Hope he likes Rikers.

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"May you experience everything you've wished for others" is a lovely blessing, but a devastating curse.

May Steve Bannon experience EVERYTHING he's wished for others.

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Waitaminnit! You mean Ol’ Stinky can’t do a podcast from inside the men’s prison in Connecticut?

This is my shocked face.

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If any vaguely humanoid creature can be said to truly deserve a few days in Rikers, it's Bannon.

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I believe he will go, when he is in. These hagfish often manage to wiggle out.

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It’s a shame Harry got rid of Azkaban and the Dementors.

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Pretty sure Bannon is a Dementor.

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Why shouldn’t all the other prisoners lose hope as they feel themselves freeze as they stare into the void?

He’s already done that to those of us who are allowed to vote.

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I started laughing uncontrollably when his lawyers said, "...millions of Americans look to him for information on important campaign issues..."

And it had nothing whatsoever to do with what's in the vape pen.

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It can’t be emphasized enough that the federal crime Trump pardoned this greasy hobgoblin for and the crime for which he still faces trial in NY is stealing from fellow MAGAts.

And yet MAGAts still listen to his podcast.

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I’m glad he has to go to Real Jail (albeit minimum security) but I’m okay with him fleecing the rubes, they’d just use that money to buy guns or something

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“Yes, this is the men’s prison next door to the “Orange Is The New Black” women’s prison. Bannon doesn’t get to go there either.”

That sound you just heard is every woman in that prison breathing a sigh of relief.

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If he actually said something on that podcast that was either criminal or libellous he'd pivot so quick to 'I am an entertainer only. Nothing I say here is intended to be serious or taken as the truth. Please don't take all my money. That is all I care about, money'

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Red Libelz! Although the Russian angle is a very nice subtlety.

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i hope no one makes any 3 jumpsuits jokes! because we ALL know what nefarious deeply disturbing things involving carceral violence that such things represent! it's too disgusting to even mention!

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"Of course CNN notes that they might need to move Bannon to Rikers"

While I know it won't happen, in my mind I picture Bannon and the Fulvous Flatulence sharing a cell in Rikers. Should DA Bragg seek a penalty of one year or less, the Mango Malignancy will, by NY law, serve his sentence at Rikers.

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"This, despite how Bannon has been trying to be excused from prison entirely, for reasons of “podcast.”"

Bannon's lawyers must have been talking to Giuliani's crack legal team. Giuliani's lawyers argued that that his $3.5 million home in FL shouldn't be including in his bankruptcy liquidation to meet the restitution he has been ordered to pay in GA because... wait for it... he wouldn't be able to produce his one hour weekly podcast that played on NYC talk radio recorded in his home studio.

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"when millions of Americans look to him for information on important campaign issues,"

I call bovine scat. While I can't find the actual numbers, I don't believe that millions turn to him for info on the RINO campaigns. His listeners don't need what Bannon supplies since they have thirstily consumed the Kool-Aid from a faux crystal punchbowl with a yuge orange turd floating in it and are already true believers. In 2022 Bannon was rated as the *most misinformation* laden podcasts:

"The study, published by researchers at Brookings, found out of 79 political talk shows released prior to January 22, 2022, Bannon’s reached the top of the list, and nearly 20% of all War Room episodes were flagged as “false or unsubstantiated.” https://gizmodo.com/steve-bannon-war-room-podcast-jan-6-big-lie-1850093525

I don't think he has gotten any more honest since then.

As for:

"“This would also effectively bar Mr. Bannon from serving as a meaningful advisor in the ongoing national campaign,” Bannon’s lawyers wrote."

The response for this claim can be found in a pronouncement by the Goldenrod Grotesqueness that he shouldn't be forced to sit in a NYC courtroom because it would interfere with his campaign for POTUS (at which the court laughed). Neither running for office or being an "advisor" to someone running is germane when it comes to the law. I was a businessperson who owned my own company before retiring, and imo the claims by the Cadmium Orange Cancer and Bannon would be no different than my insisting that if I was forced to be in court rather than behind my office desk, the proceedings would cause my company to lose money and maybe even go bankrupt. My personal/business life would play second fiddle to the criminal case, as it has for the MAGA oberste Fuhrer and one of his henchmen, and rightly so.

fnord

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I'm honestly shocked that it is only 20%.

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Did you mean "Giuliani's cracked legal team?" Or "Giuliani's legal team, who are on crack?"

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I read that as "Giuliani's crack" full stop -- that's just as accurate as any blather about his legal team.

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Yeah, as soon as I hit "Giuliana's crack," I quit reading.

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I usually refer to all of the legal teams defending the indefensible RINO actions as crack (smoking) legal teams, so I think your second phrase is closer to my beliefs.

fnord

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> There was the original federal case where the post office arrested Bannon for mail fraud...

Leading to what is arguably one of the best headlines in Wonkette history:

"And On The Fourth Day Of The DNC, The *POST OFFICE* *ARRESTED* *STEVE BANNON*": https://www.wonkette.com/p/and-on-the-fourth-day-of-the-dnc-the-post-office-arrested-steve-bannon

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Here's hoping that this confinement is just the amuse bouche for the punishment he earns in the New York case. Conviction there seems not unlikely - his co-conspirators all pleaded guilty in Federal court after Trump pardoned him there.

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Motivated witnesses.

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I bet he runs!! Seriously, I think he's going to become a fugitive.

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Same. Wasn't he staying in Brazil for a while? He probably has friends there.

Or he could just opt out of any and all subtlety and head to Russia for asylum like Snowden did.

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He got arrested for the contempt shit on some Chinese billionaire's yacht.

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Will he get to bring all 3 of his shirts with him to prison or will he swap them out (egads) for 3 ORANGE jumpsuits? If he wants to, he could wear them all at once too.

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With a 3-pen accessory set.

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Lol. Of course!

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Goody. I really like the idea of "Open Season on Bannon". I can just picture his fly-blown corpse tied to the mudguard of some ancient rattle-trap pickup truck.

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Fake medical emergency

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The Weinstein ploy

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