Oregon Militia In Jail, Planned Parenthood Witch Hunt Hilarious Now. Your Weekly Top Ten

Wonkette baby and some dogs.

[contextly_sidebar id="Fz89cWe7hNfSNY05cefYTGSAcxiX8K6X"]What up my Wonkers? Oh my goodness, can you believe people are about to actually start VOTING in this primary, which has already been going on since the Reagan administration? It's true! Iowa is Monday! And hey Iowa Wonkers, we are coming to see you! Also too Chicago and Detroit. If you live in any of those places, we expect to see you, dammit.

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OK, here is your weekly top ten list, chosen as usual by science:

1. In this week's Off The Menu, it was actually restaurant customers who are, for real, awesome people. Seriously.

2. You sure do love those stories about restaurant managers dropping the mic on dickhead customers, especially when they're leaving Bible tracts instead of tips.

3. New Bernie Bro (not H.A. Goodman or the other one, unless they are all the same guy LOL) just wants to know where the hell her royal highness Michelle Obama gets off.

4. Fox News is OUTRAGED how the Planned Parenthood witch hunt isn't going the way they thought it would.

5. Guys, it really sucks to be Ted Cruz. Even more than usual.

6. You will never guess who might be going to prison over those Planned Parenthood videos, giggle!

7. Most of the Oregon militia will now have to beg for snacks and dildos in jail. Also, RIP to the one doofus, LaVoy Finicum. We still are very sorry his family is probably sad right now.

8. Donald Trump's "shoot somebody" plan is going over swimmingly with his supporters.

9. Matt Drudge gives his male roommate the traditional heterosexual gift of real estate. Ayup.

10. And now how about some shitty restaurant customers? Yep, last week's Off The Menu, back again for a second week!

So there you go, Wonkers. That's your assigned reading for this weekend.

Now you have one task left, and one task only. Do you follow Wonkette on the Facebook and the Twitter? WELL DO THAT IF YOU DON'T.

OK, leaving you now, keep each other company in the comments, which are not allowed.

Love,

Wonket