Oscars So Woke And Other Dumb Reactions By Dumb People About The Academy Awards
As predictable as the sunrise.
The right did not confine its nonsensical whinging about Sunday night’s Oscar broadcast to a desperate search for signs that Hollywood’s stars were proclaiming their loyalty to Satan like they were Sam Neill’s secret acolytes in The Omen III. Though Lord knows all that stuff was weird enough.
Also enormous congrats to John Cena on his successful Illuminati audition. If he’s taking requests, maybe he could get his new brethren to do something about the filibuster or do something about Tom Cotton. (With votes! Illuminati votes.)
Anyway, what else were the wingnuts mad about vis-à-vis the Oscars? Well, they’re still upset that the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences has made a concerted effort to increase diversity among its nominations.
Elon Musk was very upset, possibly either because he wasn’t being given an honorary Oscar for being awesome or because Best International Feature Film nominee The Zone of Interest made the Nazis the bad guys. It’s hard to tell.
Well, he was mad about wokeness at the Oscars, anyway, and what’s more woke than not embracing Nazism?
You know who else was mad and also thirsty for Elon’s attention? Vivek Ramaswamy, the guy who flamed out in the Republican primaries by being even more of an asshole than Ted Cruz, which our nation’s top scientists were shocked to learn was even possible:
As opposed to back in 1998, when American History X racked up a grand total of … let’s see, checking the Internet, source of all knowledge … ONE! One Oscar nomination for American History X, and it went to Edward Norton for Best Actor for playing a reformed Nazi.
But sure, the Oscars would absolutely hate to nominate a movie where Nazis were the bad guys. Movies like, uh, The Zone of Interest. Also Oppenheimer, technically.
Also Barbie. GRETA GERWIG KNOWS WHAT SHE DID.
The ladies of Fox News’s “Outnumbered” also had some nonsensical complaints. Mollie Hemingway, for example, was very upset that Jimmy Kimmel was hosting, because he is most crude on occasion:
“He’s not very funny, he’s got this background of making crude men’s humor, he appeared in blackface once, and now he’s like the police of comedy.”
Kimmel did do blackface more than once, mostly in the late 1990s, and apologized during the Black Lives Matter reckoning a few years ago. People are allowed to change their minds about stuff, it’s called personal growth, a concept with which Hemingway, unsurprisingly, is apparently not familiar.
“But all of his jokes were kind of cruel and mean. He went after Robert Downey Jr. for being a recovering addict.”
We look forward to The Federalist no longer covering Hunter Biden, then.
Hemingway went on to suggest Oscar hosts should make fun of Hollywood for fun things, like the ridiculous swag bags the nominees are given. Sure, jokes about gift cards to exclusive Malibu spas always land like a crisp Mike Tyson right hook.
Emily Compagno was also mad, because the Oscars don’t make fun of a wider range of people, we think? Or something like that:
“How about you switch it up and give us something fresh and actually entertaining and maybe equally funny and like have all everyone in the target of comedy, right?”
Of course this was a minute and a half before Hemingway got mad at Kimmel for going after Downey Jr.
“How about you shock us by being actually funny and witty and interesting and creative rather than just again degrading sitting senators that have accomplished far more with one pinky than you ever have in one second.”
We will put the accomplishments of pretty much every human who walked across the stage last night up against the alleged accomplishments of the likes of Ron Johnson and Marsha Blackburn any day of the week. (And yes, Katie Britt too, since that’s definitely who that was about.)
And last not least, we would be remiss if we didn’t note that President Brainworms himself got mad enough about Jimmy Kimmel making jokes about him to take to the Munich beer hall that is Truth Social to complain:
Kimmel read that aloud on air, which honestly we thought for a moment was a pretty good parody. But no, it was real and it was spectacular.
And everyone in the room laughed at Trump, in real time.
It was all so very spectacular.
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Okay, folks. I've been feeling a little off the last couple days, so instead of finishing my next PJ post or even continue hanging around with you jokesters, I'm gonna take a quick nap. Like, I'm gonna nap at high speed. Really high speed. So fast that when I wake up 12 hours from now I will have gotten more than 40 hours worth of rest.