Palmetto Shuffle II: Liveblogging the Democrat Debate

Wow, are we back in South Carolina   again ? And we're going to be talking about race and the racial issues, is that right? Of course, that was the supposed subject of the last   Dem debate, too. But that was in Nevada, and everybody knows teevee signals can't reach from Nevada to South Carolina. So let's do it again!

7: 57 PM -- Nothing more poignant than Lou Dobbs discussing the race problems.

7: 58 PM -- Whoa, it's MLK Day?

8: 00 PM -- Starting off with ... a photo session. Hey, it's Uncle Howard Dean! When the group photos are taken at a wedding , that's our signal to go to the bar.

8: 05 PM -- Wolf Blitzer: "We begin to move on, as the, as the, photo opportunity, begins to move on."

8: 06 PM -- Wolf Blitzer is truly a national treasure.

8: 07 PM -- Hey, it's an "honor system" tonight. And yet, there are Democratic politicians here!

8: 07 PM -- This is a laid-back South Carolina old-time debate. No rules, just right.

8: 07 PM -- Only senators remain, at least at the debates. Poor Dennis.

8: 08 PM -- Also, this is exactly like 1929. Have you checked your 401k this month? Don't.

8: 09 PM -- Hillary's going to give us all $650 to pay our energy bills. Her makeup looks really good tonight, too. She's so pretty when she gives the money.

8: 10 PM -- Hey is that Angelina Jolie in the audience?

8: 11 PM -- Barry starts with uhhs and ahhs. Come on dude, this is kind of your last chance.

8: 12 PM -- So Obama's only going to give us five -hundred dollars ... per HOUSEHOLD. That is significantly less than $650 just for each of us, individually, to spend on "energy." (Cocaine is pretty good stuff for energy, right?)

8: 13 PM -- Poor John Edwards starts off by saying he won't give us ANY of his money, and then he starts jabbering this same tired bullshit about the gulf between rich and poor, etc., which is all completely true, but JOHN WE WANT YOUR MONEY. Otherwise, no votey.

8: 17 PM -- Barack for the win! He said "mills" before Handsome John Edwards got around to it.

8: 18 PM -- Obama is talking about ... Peru? Barry, how about some money?

8: 19 PM -- Hillary says she'll give us some money. WILD APPLAUSE.

8: 20 PM -- Oh shit, Barack is talking about the mills again . John Edwards is literally blinking back tears. "That's MY story," he whimpers in his mind. "MY daddy was the mill guy. Barry's dad is an Islamofascist."

8: 21 PM -- The camera angles and close-up head shots are intense tonight. We've got a very little teevee in the little Wonkette office, yet it feels like the IMAX version of Attack of the Clones .

8: 23 PM -- So much for "Political Kumbaya." Principal Hillary is here and you're Under Detention, Barack.

8: 25 PM -- Okay, okay, can she just be president right now. But president of Russia, say?

8: 26 PM -- Meow!

8: 27 PM -- Yikes!

8: 27 PM -- Did Hillary mention Ronald Reagan just now or not? Didn't hear it over here, but maybe she did .... BAM, POW, Hillary was the Lawyer of Wal-Mart while Barry was watching people who didn't have jobs or something.

8: 28 PM -- Okay, finally, some action. But not for John Edwards. Poor dude is being totally ignored, and he was born in a mill, righ there.

8: 29 PM -- This is actually hilarious. People are hooting and hollering, there are catcalls, Barry and Hillary are snarling and yelling at each other, nobody even knows what the fuck they're talking about, but it's hilarious.

8: 30 PM -- Ouch, yikes, whee! WTF is Hillary talking about? Ah, the Chicago Slumlord, Obama's boyfriend.

8: 30 PM -- "There are three people in this debate, not two." True, John. But ....

8: 31 PM -- Edwards does have a nice message that would presumably be attractive to Democrats, especially the not-so-rich kind. But he forgot to PROMISE US MONEY. Last we heard, Hillary is offering us $650 per person/vote. Obama only offers $500 per household . Edwards doesn't offer us a dime.

8: 38 PM -- Did you hear banks kind of push around the poor folk?

8: 39 PM -- Obama will now tell us why he loves slumlords. Here's the actual story, if anybody cares.

8: 42 PM -- Ha ha, John Edwards and Hillary are both piling on Barry because he ... uh ... helped the credit cards hurt the poor. "It tells folks what kind of president you're going to be." That's what Barry just said.

8: 43 PM -- Hillary: Nobody can trust Obama because he always lies about everything, and puts sex shops inside schools. Wait, what?

8: 47 PM -- Barack Obama uses secret Illinois state rules in the American Senate.

8: 50 PM -- And let's hit the new thread for new excitement. Here's the link.