Pam Bondi ARRESTS NEW YORK WITH LAWSUITS For Failure To Nazi Cheerfully
'Kay.
Yesterday, Justice Department Nazi Barbie, AKA Attorney General Pam Bondi, got on her best mad face and convened a press conference to announce she had “filed charges against the state of New York, we have filed charges against Kathy Hochul, we have filed charges against Letitia James and Mark Schroeder, who is from DMV.”
Wow, Pam Bondi filed charges against Governor Kathy Hochul, New York AG Letitia James, and Mark Schroeder from the DMV for some reason? Are they ARRESTED? Are they going TO JAIL?
Whoa if true to all of this if it’s true! Whoa!
Ahem.
No. Pam Bondi has sued the state of New York, Hochul, James and Schroeder, which is different. You don’t say “filed charges” when you are talking about “filed a lawsuit.” There are two options here: 1) Pam Bondi totally knows this, but she was trying to sound big and scary and Ford Tough about it. Or 2) Pam Bondi does not know this, and we must now reconsider every time we’ve ever referred to Pam Bondi in these pages as “a real lawyer.”
Jesus Christ.
The crime for which Pam Bondi is indicting charges of lawsuits? Failure to insufficiently join up with the Trump administration’s Nazi immigration crusade. Lack of commitment to Nazi Sparkle Motion. Whatever you want to call it. And you totally can call it anything you want, because Pam Bondi clearly is.
Bondi intoned: “This a new DOJ!” One that doesn’t words very good!
“New York has chosen to prioritize the illegal aliens over American citizens. It stops today! As you know we sued Illinois, and New York didn’t listen, so now, YOU’RE NEXT.”
At that point Bondi feigned beaucoups human emotions as she introduced an “angel mom,” which is the white supremacist Republican term for people whose children have been murdered by Spanish-speaking immigrants, which is somehow worse than getting murdered by a white American man, therefore it deserves its own term.
After the “angel mom” spoke, Bondi, still extremely so very angry and tough, explained, “We did it to Illinois! Strike one! Strike two is New York! And if you are a state not complying with federal law, you’re next, get ready!”
Bondi’s mangled language aside, the lawsuit appears to center around New York’s “green light” laws, which prohibit the DMV from LOL just kidding, you don’t have to know the details of the lawsuit until we feel confident that Bondi has actually read it herself. In essence, she sued them for failure to Nazi good enough, and failure to smile while doing it.
Noticeably absent from this list of people who Pam Bondi has arrested with lawsuits is New York Mayor Eric Adams. Could that be related to how Pam Bondi’s DOJ just directed prosecutors in New York to drop the criminal case against Adams, but without prejudice, which means they could always bring charges back, saaaaaaaaaaay, if Adams did not enthusiastically go along with their Nazi-ing? Like, real criminal charges, even!
This is a new DOJ! Pam Bondi is here to root out corruption! And take hostages for her boss Trump!
“We’re hoping in New York that Mayor Adams is going to cooperate with us with the sanctuary cities and the illegal aliens,” said Bondi, corrupt-as-fuckly.
She added, “That’s what we want! We don’t want to sue you! We don’t want to prosecute people! We want people to comply with the law!”
We want you to want to Nazi with us! All are welcome.
Relatedly, Adams is meeting today with Trump Border Gestapo chief Tom Homan, who very hopes Adams will be on board with all the Nazi-ing, wink wink! Adams also reportedly met with New York City commissioners earlier this week and “ordered them not to say anything bad about the president and to give ICE agents in the city as much deference as possible.”
Again, he’s Trump’s hostage, and he has to do whatever Trump says on this issue and all the other things Trump might decide to tack on to ensure his loyalty. (Brian Beutler argues this morning that it’s time for New Yorkers to literally run Adams out of office, and we wholeheartedly agree.)
Kathy Hochul is making fun of getting arrested with lawsuits:
In a lengthy statement released Wednesday night, Gov. Hochul called Bondi's "dramatic" media briefing "smoke and mirrors." The governor said the DOJ filed a "routine civil action" about a law passed in 2019 that has been upheld by the courts in the past.
"Here are the facts: our current laws allow federal immigration officials to access any DMV database with a judicial warrant," Hochul said in the statement. "That's a common-sense approach that most New Yorkers support. But there's no way I'm letting federal agents, or Elon Musk's shadowy DOGE operation, get unfettered access to the personal data of any New Yorker in the DMV system like 16-year-old kids learning to drive and other vulnerable people."
Hochul said she expects Bondi's "worthless, publicity-driven lawsuit to be a total failure."
Meanwhile, Letitia James is one million times the lawyer Pam Bondi is, so we are sure she is popping some popcorn for guests who want to watch the smackdown she is about to deliver to the clownass Trump Justice Department.
Elsewhere in Bondi’s press conference, in response to a reporter’s question, she started yelling “TWO MILLION DOLLARS IS GOING TO GUATEMALA FOR SEX CHANGES,” so if you somehow forgot over the course of this post that Pam Bondi is a serious person, you’re reminded now.
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See you in court, you corrupt dumbass. Go fuck yourself 'til that day.
Contemporary republicans love everything about America except democracy.
Is a cross around the neck a part of the female Nazi uniform?