Paris Olympics A Go For [INSERT FRENCH ROMANCE SOUNDS]
Paris Olympics A Go For [INSERT FRENCH ROMANCE SOUNDS]
Oui, oui.
It is a leap year and presidential election year, which means it is also something much more important: the Summer Damn Olympics, which are in Paris.
Are you better off than you were four years ago? The Olympics sure are, considering how they weren’t allowed to happen in 2020, due to Democrat hoax worldwide plague.
In 2021, when the Tokyo 2020 Summer Olympics actually happened, it was all weird and stuff, with hardly any spectators, and even worse, the athletes weren’t allowed to bone each other incessantly, as per Olympic tradition. (It has been suggested that some athletes went ahead and fucked each other a lot in Tokyo.)
This year, thank God, the tyranny is over, and fucking is officially once again an Olympic sport, and all nations are invited to compete. (Except Russia, obviously, and Belarus, which are officially banned, but whose athletes can compete as “Individual Neutral Athletes.” And obviously we hope nobody wants to fuck them anyway.)
The Washington Post reports that the International Olympic Committee has lifted the so-called “intimacy ban,” and will have 300,000 condoms — 300,000! free! condoms! — available for athletes to use during their fuck events and competitions.
With that quantity, every resident “will have what they are expecting and what they need,” said Laurent Michaud, director of the Olympic and Paralympic Village, in an interview with Sky News.
Yeah unless some hot swimmer is a total condom hog and uses 150,000 of them on the first night. His name is likely Brad. Or Chase.
Michaud said organizers’ goal is for the more than 14,000 athletes, staff and members of the press in the Village during the Games to “feel very enthusiastic and comfortable,” he said. The Olympic and Paralympic Games will take place between July 26 and Sept. 8.
You were about to Google to see how many condoms we’re talking about per person. So it’s 14,000 athletes, and we’re assuming staff members and reporters are also going to bang everyone, so carry the two, assume 10,000 of them will “break,” and it’s still probably five apiece, right?
Use your rations wisely, oh sexy ones!
There will be no alcohol — as is common for Olympic Villages — but “it’s going to be a great place so they can actually share their moment,” he said.
“Share their moment.” God bless the French. (Also the article notes that while there’s no booze officially in the village, the city of Paris will remain just fucking full of it.)
The Post has a nice little history of condoms at the games, noting that it started at Seoul in 2008, and peaked in Rio — obviously — with 450,000 free ones floating around and landing on assorted genitals.
Also, it says there actually were some in Tokyo, but they weren’t for onsite fucking, wink wink, nudge nudge, bone bone:
Organizers planned to give out 150,000 condoms, but told Reuters they were “not for use at the athlete’s village, but to have athletes take them back to their home countries to raise awareness.”
Awareness of fucking.
Anyway, in summary and in conclusion, the Olympics is back and it’s fun again, and it will provide America a nice break from the joint horrors of our political conventions, which will be happening just before and after it.
Vive la France!
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Laurent Michaud is my latex salesman.
I'm still a little skeeved out about the attempt to clean up the Seine enough for water events. And kinda pissed off about the "bouquiniste" stalls being displaced.