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Pat Robertson Lets Gays Off Hook For That Whole 'Sodom' Thing
He doesn't look quite so D-U-M when he's being correct about a thing.
It's the weirdest thing on the whole planet when Pat Robertson is Right About A Thing, especially when it's about gaygendersexicans! Usually Grandpa Pat is all "Hey, you homosexuals, stop thrusting inside Pat's dusty man cave!" and "Hey, fake viewer lady, it's okay if your husband only gives random dudes head SOMETIMES." Hell, often he's like, "Here are Pat Robertson's top ten tips for making sure your gay kid feels HATED this Thanksgiving."
But then sometimes he says a correct thing, like how Kim Davis es muy whore, or transgender people exist. It's like WHOA IF TRUE, and ding ding ding, it IS true! Well, it's happened again, and this time it is Pat Robertson BIBLING CORRECTLY. We didn't think that was possible either.
Here is your Pat Robertson saying Sodom and Gomorrah were NOT destroyed because of how that day was a good day for a gay buttfuck party, because every day in Sodom was a good day for a gay buttfuck party:
Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom, pride, fullness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her and in her daughters, neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy.
Pride, the Bible says, idleness and abundance of bread, neither were they thankful, that was the sin of Sodom and Gomorrah. He didn't talk about homosexuality. He said, you know, pride, and abundance of bread.
Now listen, if you don't know Bible like yr Wonkette knows Bible, you're probably out there going, "WHATEVER, Old Testament God destroyed a city because too much bread, is He like on a low-carb diet? WOCKA WOCKA WOCKA!" That's why we are having this Bible Study.
Because Reverend Grandpa is CORRECT! If you read yr Wonkette as much as doctors recommend, you will have seen us type the words, "BUY A FUCKING CONCORDANCE!" And the reason for that is that the Bible explains like eleventy-score times that the sin of Sodom had nothing to do with buttsex. Pat Robertson happens to be quoting from the book of Ezekiel, chapter 16, verse 49, which starts out, "Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom." You know, just in case you needed it spelled out for you like some kind of M-O-R-A-N. In this case, Jehovah God got your back, fool.
But fundamentalist Christian diddle-biscuits STILL get it wrong. Is it because they are stupid and don't know how to Do Bible? (Yes.) Is it because they hate gays so much they don't know what to do? (Yes, also.) So even when the Bible says, "Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom," they think, "Well, my sister's name is Barbie Lou, I ain't never met this 'Sodom' girl and she DEFINITELY ain't my sister!" and they assume it's probably a verse they don't need to know, like all the ones about ham being gross.
But there you have it. Pat still hates gays like OMG a lot, and he's definitely still freaked out that the Supreme Court's marriage decision is going to make everybody start scissor-banging their gay dogs, but here is ONE TIME Pat Robertson did Bible right.
He will forget this ever happened, of course, the second he needs to answer a fake "viewer" question about EW GAY.