Paul Manafort Sprung From House-Jail For Thanksgiving! FYI, BORDER PATROL.
FLIGHT RISK, EVERYONE, FLIGHT RISK!
Has anyone looked REAL CLOSE at the turkeys Donald Trump pardoned a little while ago, to see if maybe they were Paul Manafort and Rick Gates? Or maybe Paul Manafort and Michael Flynn? Has anyone checked to see if one of Paul Manafort's many aliases is "Drumstick"?
We are just fooling, of course. Paul Manafort is charged with a shit-load of crimes (and maybe will be charged with many more!), and with his trial starting in May, it's possible he won't get to have Thanksgiving with his family next year. So that was pretty nice of the judge to let him have a few seconds of joy.
It was pretty funny of the judge to say they're not allowed to have any booze, though. Enjoy your time with your peeps, but don't get drunk and start booking plane tickets, boys!
Buzzfeed explains that Robert Mueller is OK with this:
On Monday, Manafort and Gates asked the judge for permission to leave home for Thanksgiving festivities. Gates asked to travel to events in Virginia. Manafort's travel would be "local," per his filing, and his lawyers wrote that Mueller's team was okay with him leaving home as long as he continued to wear his GPS device, told the pretrial services agency where he was going, and didn't drink. Manafort agreed to those conditions.
We feel compelled to note that, just as some dogs are able to spring electric fences, these men, especially Manafort, are liable to try something during their hours of freedom. Hell, a Russian oligarch's ship just docked outside of Mar-A-Lago, and considering Manafort's many foreign Russian/Ukrainian oligarch connections, we wouldn't be surprised if he knew the dude. So can Border Patrol and the Coast Guard and all the customs agents in America please keep an eye out for this man?
Paul Manafort is an international man of mystery, so please be advised that he might wear a wig or a funny mustache or introduce himself in a high-pitched voice as "Not Paul Manafort, that's for sure!" He could even look like this:
If Manafort and Gates decide to flee together, they could look like this:
Do not be fooled by this spycraft. These are dangerous, sneaky men we are dealing with.
OK, public service announcement over, if you see something, say something, happy Thanksgiving, yours in Christ, Wonkette.
Also this is your open thread, bye.
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Omg
Oh my fucking god. NEVER