Paul Ryan And His Dreamy Eyes Will Heal America, America!

If nominated for the presidency Paul Ryan will say "aw hell naw" and if elected he will not ... wait, what's this??? Oh, it is just a new ad from Paul Ryan, speaker of the House, about how liberals and conservatives should stop beating each other in the street and recognize they are all American and all human and he is sounding an awful lot like Barack Obama's "Purple States of America" speech that gave everyone such a boner for a Uniter Not A Divider and Paul Ryan is just saying, you know, he's JUST SAYING that HE doesn't hate liberals or black people (even though his first line in this ad was about "identity politics" which means black people who keep insisting on being black) and maybe they won't hate him either and if a contested GOP convention in Cleveland were to say "save us Paul Ryan you're our only hope," then 70 percent of the American people might not elect Hillary Sanders in the worst crushing since someone "ran" "against" Fidel Castro (if that has even ever happened, it seems like it would be dumb).

Paul Ryan is a bad man whose budgets denude your granny right down to her dentures, but his voice sounds very nice and thoughtful in this ad that is in no way an ad saying he is running for president, so he is probably a nice sober no-drama type just like the president and you can vote for him with a clear conscience since you hate Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders now, for being mean to the Vatican and swiping a Metro card wrong. PRAISE JESUS AND HALLELUJAH, Paul Ryan's the One!

[ TPM ]