Lucky you, Amercia, Paul Ryan (R-Complete Tool) is back at work and ready to focus on the issues. After all, Paul Ryan is a Very Serious Person who is Very Concerned about Jobs and The Economy! So when he was campaigning we were all bereft of his leadership on these and other pressing issues, and it was sad, and surely we suffered mightily for it. But today we bring you good news, for he is BACK, you guys, and now that he is back, he is dedicated to his number one legislative priority: cosponsoring legislation that promotes job growth protects one-celled embryos.
<i>Also, no wonder Paul Ryan got a standing <strike>ovation</strike> ovulation when he came back from the campaign. </i> That&#039;s better. (thanks for hyperlinking ovation to make this pun painfully easy)
As long as the credit cards are not cloned!
So, we&#039;ll be locking up all pregnant women for false imprisonment then.
Also, anyone who&#039;s undergone IVF can claim all their snowflake babies as dependents. Plus those embryos can now NEVAR! be destroyed.
You too, eh?
Even the ones yet to develop arms?
Why am I thinking &quot;Quentin Tarantino meets Ridley Scott&quot; here?
Also, &quot;oh no, not <a href="http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch\?v=XU1MAokrrUk" target="_blank">again</a>&quot;.
I like zygotes, and I <em>could</em> eat a whole one.
Hell yes! And if we are truly lucky, maybe they will try to repeal Obamacare for a 34th time!
What? They are already! Thank God for Rep. Bachmann!
Pre-<em>Roe</em> I&#039;m pretty sure there were cases of women being prosecuted for &quot;falling down the stairs&quot;.
But wait... I thought Jeebusmath was 1+1<strong>+1</strong> = 1
Someone please convince Paul that Leave it to Beaver is not real life documentary.
Life begins at the first pickup line!
It still ends at birth as far as they&#039;re concerned, though.
I think you&#039;ll find that&#039;s &quot;Jahbs and the ecahnamy&quot;
Start claiming it as a dependent.
And don&#039;t forget to start claiming Medicare and Social Security based on your conception date, not your birth date.
It qualifies as an appropriate breakfast for Paul Ryan, at least.
<i>Also, no wonder Paul Ryan got a standing <strike>ovation</strike> ovulation when he came back from the campaign. </i> That&#039;s better. (thanks for hyperlinking ovation to make this pun painfully easy)
I suspect that Ryan&#039;s bill could make miscarrying a crime.