Oh Hey, George Santos's Ex-Boyfriend! Sit By Us And Tell Us Everything!

Meet Pedro Vilarva!

Nothing matters if you're a Republican. Will Republicans manage to elect a House speaker tomorrow, and will it be Kevin McCarthy? Who knows! They've won a tiny majority, and so far their first act has been to fuck up the one job they absolutely must do before they can even think about launching a million investigations into Hunter Biden's Penis: What's Underneath! (We Mean Besides His Balls!). 

They have to elect a speaker. It's kind of a thing.

 Wonkette has an update on how that rigmarole is going, and Politico Playbook gave it the treatment this morning. Here's a Twitter thread about all the ways the GOP could bone itself tomorrow with the speaker vote. Flawless victories abound.

And then there is the issue of New York GOP Rep.-elect George Santos and the great big imaginary life he's created for himself with his mom who died on 9/11 and also Christmas week in 2016 and his Jewish-ish-ish- ISH heritage.

His college history, his work history, his marriage history, his Brazilian crime history, who can say what's true and what isn't? (So far it appears that if Santos is saying it, it's not true.)

Republicans still plan to seat Santos tomorrow, but that doesn't mean there aren't more tragic, pathetic lies to uncover. Emphasis on the "tragic, pathetic," because the New York Times talked to this queen's ex-boyfriend, and oh fuck .

His name is Pedro Vilarva, and when they started dating, Pedro was only 18. Santos was 26. (What would Libs Of TikTok lady call that?) And at the time, of course, Santos was technically married to a woman, whatever that was all about.

But, you know, details!

Mr. Vilarva found him charming and sweet. They dated for a few months before Mr. Santos suggested they move in together. Mr. Vilarva said he felt on top of the world — even if he said he did find himself footing many of the bills.

Love it when you're 18 and you're paying the bills for your deadbeat 26-year-old boyfriend.

“He used to say he would get money from Citigroup, he was an investor,” Mr. Vilarva recalled. “One day it’s one thing, one day it’s another thing. He never ever actually went to work,” he said.

Bet he showered a whole bunch.

Things began to unravel between the two men in early 2015, Mr. Vilarva said, after Mr. Santos surprised him with tickets to Hawaii that turned out not to exist.

Oh goddamn.

Around the same time, he said he discovered that his cellphone was missing, and believed Mr. Santos had pawned it.

OH GODDAMN WHO DOES THAT? 

The betrayal prompted him to plug Mr. Santos’s name into a search engine, where he found that Mr. Santos was wanted by Brazilian police .

  “I woke up in the morning, and I packed my stuff all in trash bags, and I called my father and I left,” he said.

Good for him, and good that he's talking now.

So that's a thing that's happening.

The Times notes that on top of all the investigations currently ongoing, Republican Rep. James Comer, incoming chair of the House Oversight Committee, told Fox News last week that YEAH PROBABLY the House Ethics Committee would be investigating Santos. “What Santos has done is a disgrace. He’s lied to the voters," said Comer, like a common stopped clock twice a day.

Meanwhile:

New York Democrats also made it clear they want to subject Mr. Santos to deeper scrutiny. Representative Hakeem Jeffries, the incoming Democratic leader, has said Mr. Santos is “unfit to serve.” Representative Ritchie Torres said he planned to introduce the Stop Another Non-Truthful Office Seeker Act — the SANTOS Act — that would require House candidates to provide details of their backgrounds under oath.

So that is some shade from a fellow gay New York member of Congress.

Warmest regards to House Republicans on everything you've achieved, you've earned every bit of this.

[ New York Times ]

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