Please Do Not Celebrate 'Public Sleeping Day,' That Seems Dangerous

People could, like, do stuff to you.

Here are Buster and the late great Scout (RIP), courtesy of our pal Seek!

Happy Weekend!

Today is Public Sleeping Day, which, according to all of the dumb holiday sites online, is a day to go out in public and fall asleep somewhere, which really does not seem like a good idea. You could get robbed, someone could touch you in a place you do not want to be touched, someone could draw a penis on your face, people could think you were nodding off and administer Narcan, or think you were dead and call 911 — many, many things could go wrong. I don’t see why anyone would come up with this holiday, unless they had some fetish for molesting people while they are asleep.

Of course, if you do want to sleep, here are some tips on doing so from Robert Benchley, whom you know because he was an Algonquin Round Table guy who hung around with Dorothy Parker.

And because we must be well-rounded, I shall now present you with one of the greatest scenes in television history — the moment from an episode of Real Housewives of New York known as “Scary Island” in which Kelly Bensimon loses her fucking mind and Bethenny Frankel yells “Go to sleeeeeep! Go to sleep!” at her. You have probably seen the GIF before, because it is very useful — and now you can sort of understand the context.

You will be confused, but it’s not because you don’t understand the wider context within the show — you will be confused because Kelly Bensimon is going on about “gum berries” (by which she meant jellybeans) and how she thinks Bethenny is trying to kill her.

Finally, to add to all of this art, I bring you some segment of the Andy Warhol’s Sleep, a five-and-a-half hour film of his lover, John Giorno, sleeping. That was the film.

It actually reminds me of Bottoms, this Yoko Ono film I saw a couple weeks ago at her exhibit at the Museum of Contemporary Art in Chicago that was just 200 butts, walking. For peace. And because I am sure you are wondering — yes, I bought the souvenir tote bag, and no, I am not joking about that.

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