President 'I'm F*cked' Entirely F*cked, According To Polls

The redacted Mueller Report didn't land like Trump wanted it to land, we reckon.

Bad news for Donald Trump and Bill Barr and the government of the Russian Federation, because the American people are not buyin' it .

A new Reuters/Ipsos poll taken after the release of the heavily redacted Mueller report shows Trump with one of his lowest approval ratings ever, 37 percent. Reuters notes that's down from 40 percent a little over a week ago and 43 percent just after Bill Barr circulated his initial mash note that cleared Trump of all Russian and obstruction crimes past, present and future. If only Bill Barr wasn't a dipshit with the face of a syphilitic gopher who's really bad at cover-ups!

Moreover, in the newest poll, solidly half of Americans think somebody in the Trump world conspired with Russia to ratfuck the election, maybe because they've heard about how Trump had foreknowledge of the WikiLeaks releases, or maybe they're just really wondering why the hell Paul Manafort was passing polling data to a Russian spy with the understanding it'd go to Oleg Deripaska, the Russian oligarch Manafort worked for lo those many years. Another 58 percent say it's pretty obvious Trump criminally obstructed the investigation, we guess because 58 percent of Americans can read.

Reuters notes that most respondents haven't actually changed their minds since the report came out, but that of the small fraction who did (15 percent), they changed their minds against Trump, rather than suddenly seeing him in a better light. Imagine how those numbers might change once the House really gets going dragging all of Trump's dirty laundry into view, as they procure his financial records and bring every person Trump's ever met to testify before the House Judiciary Committee over the course of the next year and a half. (We should point out here that Americans are at the moment pretty evenly split on whether or not Trump should be impeached. Again, bring on the House hearings!)

Digging deeper into the poll, we find:

• 51 percent think Republicans are shitting on the FBI/DoJ in order to protect Trump, whereas only 46 percent think the shitting is being done in the opposite direction, so at least the truth is slightly winning out over Fox News Fantasyland.

• 52 percent are still pretty sure there's some sort of cover-up happening and want to see the WHOLE ENTIRE FUCKING REPORT, PLEASE AND THANK YOU, BILL FUCKING BARR.

• 60 percent of Republicans are definitely supporting Trump in the 2020 Republican primary, whereas the rest of them either choose "somebody else" or "don't know." (WAIT WHAT?)

• Yep, we just read that part again, that is what it says.

Lest you think this poll is an outlier fake news poll from the Deep State, Politico/Morning Consult finds similar results, putting Trump's approval at a measly 39 percent, which is also a steep drop from their poll last week, where Trump had 44 percent approval. Politico notes that this ties its lowest poll result ever for Trump, which just really makes you wonder why Trump and his minions kept saying the day of the Mueller Report release was the best of his presidency. (Politico does show slightly weaker support for impeachment, but, you know, all things in due time, let's not blow our loads early like half the internet seems to want us to do.)

Oh, and the Politico/Morning Consult poll specifically asked if Bill Barr is super fine, or if he should go suck goat taint, and only 30 percent said he was super fine, and moreover only 32 percent are certain his announcements about the Mueller Report haven't been full of lies.

Anyway, the point here, obviously, is that Donald Trump, when Robert Mueller was appointed, reportedly slumped back in his chair and started whining about how his presidency was over and "I'm fucked," whine whine whine whine whine WHINE WHINE.

If his poll numbers are already this bad and we've only had Mueller's report -- the redacted one Bill Barr drew dicks all over with his big Sharpie marker -- in our hands for approximately five minutes, imagine how bad things will get for Trump in the next few months. In other words, YEP, HE'S FUCKED.

Mazel tov!

[ Reuters / Reuters/Ipsos poll / Politico ]

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