Howdy, pardners! Kirsten Boyd Johnston and other special guests (me) will be OCCUPYing THE TELEVISION to relate to you some things what are said thereon, about this, the 412th electoral contest of the Republican primary season! We will be doing this maybe at like 8 p.m. Eastern, WHO EVEN KNOWS? Mitt Romney will probably say something weird and uncomfortable and smack his lips too loud when he talks which is not any more offputting than anything else he does, and Newt Gingrich will definitely ramble on like a jackal with herpes because nobody is allowed to use teleprompterz anymore because they are Of Satan, and probably, like, Chris Matthews will say some shit too. Oh, what a time we shall have, with only each other and sweet healing booze for solace in this, the most boring fucking primary we have ever witnessed. Get your liquor cabinet at the ready, and check back, for larfs and pain!
Casually mentioning that the fat peasants burn in fireplace well enough that his gas bill is now only $10,000 a month?
Bragging about how hard his wife worked to keep the 23 nanny’s in line by constant nagging, wage withholding, firing and occasional whipping?
Asking random audience members if they know where he can find a really good and cheap Lamborghini mechanic?
<i>Newt Gingrich &rlm; @newtgingrich
Another Delaware endorsement - <a href="http://www.newt.org/2012/04..." target="_blank">" rel="nofollow noopener" title="http://www.newt.org/2012/04/22/gingrich-grabs-ano...">http://www.newt.org/2012/04... Join us for our election night rally tonight - <a href="http://newt.org/events" target="_blank">" rel="nofollow noopener" title="http://newt.org/events">http://newt.org/events</a> for more info</i>
In fairness her hams and trotters resemble those of the porcine variety.
&quot;They&#039;re just the right circumference.&quot;
Any chance of CNN having holograms tonight?
And heeeeeeeeeere&#039;s the pepperoni!*
* Some porn actor
Fuckin crocs, man. I hope the elephant made herself a nice pair of shoes out of that fuckin thing.
<i>Be there or be Rodney </i>Square. <i>A reference you wouldn&#039;t get unless you are from</i> Delaware.
I see what you did THERE.
The Connecticut, New York, Rhode Island, and Pennsylvania primaries say &quot;hello&quot;.
I wonder what Mitt&#039;s next gaffe will be?
Casually mentioning that the fat peasants burn in fireplace well enough that his gas bill is now only $10,000 a month?
Bragging about how hard his wife worked to keep the 23 nanny&rsquo;s in line by constant nagging, wage withholding, firing and occasional whipping?
Asking random audience members if they know where he can find a really good and cheap Lamborghini mechanic?
And so on...
Maybe. I thought it night have been Ron Jeremy.