Relationship/Crime Advice: Don't Call Your Ex A 'Moron' On Your Way Back From A Coup

DISCLAIMER: Wonkette does not actually give crime advice, this is just for funny purposes!

If there is anything we know for certain about the people who attempted to overthrow the government January 6, it is that not only are they terrible human beings, but that they are terrible at crime. They didn't cover up their faces, they did livestreams, they took selfies, they posted about it on social media, and they let everyone in their lives, including people who do not like them, know about the crimes they were doing both before and afterward. This is hardly something to complain about, but it certainly does speak to their entitlement.

Take Capitol rioter Richard Michetti. Both during and after trying to coup the United States government with a bunch of other geniuses, Michetti, a resident of Ridley Park, Pennsylvania, texted his ex-girlfriend a bunch of pictures of said coup attempt, bragging about his participation and also calling her a "moron" for not believing the election was stolen. Shockingly, this did not work out too well for him, because the next day, his ex sent all those text messages directly to the FBI.

Per the statement of facts from the FBI (text messages bolded and [ sic ] throughout, obviously):

Law enforcement observed text messages sent from MICHETTI to W1 on January 6, 2021, which show that MICHETTI was present in Washington, D.C. during the January 6, 2021 riot. For instance, MICHETTI texted W1 at approximately 2: 06 p.m. on January 6, 2021, stating"…it's going down here we stormed the building they held us back with spray and teargas and paintballs."At approximately 2: 09 p.m., MICHETTI texted W1,"Gotta stop the vote it's fraud this is our country."Additionally texts sent by MICHETTE stated,"my eyes are burnitin[sic]"and"thousands of people storming."

At approximately 2: 44 p.m., on January 6, 2021, MICHETTI sent two videos to W1 from his telephone. One video shows rioters inside the Capitol Building. The other depicts a large interior room of the Capitol Building, where there were numerous protestors carrying various flags and walking around yelling. MICHETTI also sent at least one other video to W1, showing activities inside the Capitol Building. This video appears to be a rebroadcast of a video recorded by someone else. At approximately 4:26 p.m., MICHETTI texted W1,"If you can't see the election was stolen you're a moron,"and"This is our country do you think we live like kings because no one sacrificed anything?"MICHETTI continued," . . . [T]he vote was fraud and trump won but they won't audit the votes. We are patriots we are not revolutionaries the other side is revolutionaries they want to destroy this country and they say it openly. When the left banged on the doors of congress when they congratulated for Brett kavanaugh no one got touched not one of them. We were outside and they were shooting tear gas and pepper spray"; "They were shootin and throwin tear gas before we even were near the building. It's public property."

He may think she's a "moron," but he's the one who is now facing 20 years in prison because he thought it was a good idea to commit a crime and then brag about the crime to a person he was insulting and who, we must imagine, dumped his ass for a reason.

At around 6: 04 p.m., MICHETTI sent a series of text messages to W1, which read as follows:"I understand your point but what I'm saying is [W1's name] the election was rigged and everyone knows it. All's we wanted was an investigation that's it. And they couldn't investigate the biggest presidential race in history with mail in ballots who everyone knows is easy to fraud"; "This is tyranny they say there and told us 'we rigged the election and there's nuthin you can do about it' what do you think should be done?"W1 provided the FBI with copies of W1's text message exchanges with MICHETTI, as well as the photographs and videos sent by MICHETTI to W1.

To be clear, absolutely no one, at any point, told them, "We rigged the election and there's nothing you can do about it." No one! That didn't happen, because the election was not stolen and because the only people who actually believe the election was stolen are Donald Trump and his sycophantic followers who believe every word he says because they can't think for themselves. Which may also account for why they are so incredibly bad at crime.

This is far from the first time that one of these dopes has been outed by a friend or family member. Rather, it seems like the primary way they are getting caught, which suggests this insurrection may have been the last straw for a lot of those friends and relatives, because you don't rat someone out like that in a country with a criminal justice system like ours unless you truly hate their guts and want them to suffer. Hopefully these friends and relatives will have better, healthier relationships in the future, with people who don't call them "morons" for not believing in ridiculous conspiracy theories.

[ CourtListener.com ]

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