Remembering Our Fallen Week: Fillet of the Union

• The president recited some old Reagan speech for the State of the Union. It was very well received, especially by the salmon-American population.

•  Blind prophet Michele Bachmann spoke in tongues for six-and-a-half whole minutes following Obama's Reagan speech, gazing into the very essence of the iChat.

• An errant olive-pit awakened Dennis Kucinich's litigious tendencies.

• Unemployed curmudgeon Keith Olbermann was encouraged to take his unfocused rage-pageant to Capitol Hill.

• The star of Fat Bitch and Honky Grandma Be Trippin' revealed Sarah Palin's fleshy carapace to be anerotic object of the highest order.

• The tea party fought back against those tyrannical Taiwanese animators with a brand new web series of hott virtual news reports.

• Meth-gay and reality-teevee star Ted Haggard revealed he would gobble the pole and the hole, if only he were young.