Republicans Big Mad At Vegetables Again

Next week, mustard.

The "Arugula Wars" are back, baby! Along with flannel shirts and denim overalls, everything old and unflattering is new again.

In case you missed this shit the first go round, cast your mind back to 2007 when candidate Barack Obama visited a farm in Iowa and tried to feel the pain of Middle America by noting the price of one particular leafy green.

"Anybody gone into Whole Foods lately and see what they charge for arugula?” the senator said. “I mean, they’re charging a lot of money for this stuff.”

Thus begat one million memes about the first Black president, who grew up the child of a single mother in Hawaii, being an out-of-touch elitist. Arugula, which grows in countless American back yards, became a stand-in for every ridiculous culture war issue about who is a "real" American. Considering what those goons said about Obama's wife and mother, not to mention everything that came after, the whole thing seems relatively tame, if stupid. But stupid is kind of the GOP's brand, so ...

“Sen Foghorn Leghorn was Herschel’s chaperone today. He says “woke high IQ stupid people” are in charge of the Democratic Party, and “they hate Washington, Jefferson, Dr. Seuss & Mr. Potatohead,” and “walk around with ziplock bags of kale,” so better vote for Herschel.”

— Ron Filipkowski 🇺🇦 (@Ron Filipkowski 🇺🇦) 1670204442 

"Dear Lord, save us from high IQ stupid people. They may be smart, but they don't have any sense," ranted Louisiana GOP Senator John Kennedy, stumping this weekend for Georgia's US Senate hopeful Herschel Walker. And indeed it's understandable that Kennedy would denigrate the value of book learnin' and spare brain cells, since his preferred candidate is so floridly demented that he appears to believe he's running for a seat in the House of Representatives.

"They're all over Washington DC, these high IQ stupid people, and they're in charge," Uncle Bubba Kennedy went on, describing a dangerous intelligentsia composed of "members of the berserk wing of the Democratic Party" who are so "woke" that "they think they're smarter and more virtuous than the American people."

(Who are these mythical American people? Where do you find them? Apparently not in major metropolitan areas where the majority of the population of this country actually lives.)

"These woke, high IQ stupid people, they're easy to recognize. They hate George Washington, they hate Thomas Jefferson, and they hate Dr. Seuss, and they hate Mr. Potatohead," he shouted. Which is confusing, really, since conservatives are the ones boycotting children's books and melting down plastic tubers , not to mention photoshopping Klan hoods onto cartoon trains.

In fairness, maybe it's causing a bit of cognitive dissonance for the senator to campaign for a Black man, instead of flogging his usual gross racist schtick . But Kennedy, a graduate of Vanderbilt University, the University of Virginia, and Oxford University who makes a living cosplaying as Foghorn Leghorn minus the smarts, wasn't done attacking elite wokesters with their fancy education.

"These woke, high IQ stupid people, they walk around with zip-lock bags of kale that they eat to give them energy. Now, if you want to eat kale that's up to you. I don't eat kale. You know why? Because kale tastes to me like I'd rather be fat," he yammered to the appreciative crowd, which appeared to be of an age where a return to the ancient vegetal conflict might count as making America great again — or at the very least familiar.

Or perhaps the visit to Georgia by former President Obama to remind voters that Herschel Walker is dumber than any member of the crucifer family triggered a flashback for the senator. Clearly he longs for the days when the Democratic president was someone people knew how to hate.

"Mr. Walker understands, unlike Mr. Obama, that the Biden administration sucks," Kennedy groused, remembering to play the victim, complaining that Obama had descended on Georgia "to make fun of my friend Herschel Walker."

Honestly, the whole thing was low energy. Almost like they've all seen the early vote numbers and know that Georgians are unlikely to send an enraged turnip to represent them in DC. Thanks, Donald! 

In summary and in conclusion, smart people eat vegetables, have energy, and are woke. But real Americans eat fried butter so they can be fat, dumb, and sleepy. And really, who wouldn't want to vote for a party that describes its own voters as a bunch of bloated hicks who can't read?

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