Republicans Too Busy Hating Terrorists to Raise Money
Second-quarter fundraising totals are in! Let's "crunch" some "numbers" from the Republicans:
* Rudolph Giuliani raised $17 million, more than all the other Republicans, but less than Clinton and Obama. This is $1 million more than last quarter, because he talked more about torturing brown people and we got bored with running Giuliani_in_drag.jpg every day.
* Mitt Romney raised $14 million, and then gave himself $6.5 million of his own personal fortune. Last quarter he raised $20 million. But last quarter no one knew how fucking creepy he was.
* John McCain raised thirty bucks from his mother, Edith Galt Wilson. He announced today that he was firing everyone in his campaign, again, and replacing them with the contestants from Bravo'sTop Chef.
* Ron Paul raised $500 zillion Second Life dollars, which he spent on virtual shoes.
The rest of the Republican candidates are trailing even further in fundraising efforts -- which means they probably have as much money on hand as Dennis Kucinich, who just has whatever was left in his wallet after the last Whole Foods trip.