Return Of The Bunker Baby? Tabs, Thurs., Oct. 23, 2025
Oh you remember.
Tab! Tab! Tab!
OK, so I am not saying that I think Donald Trump’s Epstein Ballroom is a “distraction” because he obvious is desperate to have that shit because he’s a 100,000-year-old Nazi theater queen with atrocious taste who has been spending his whole life trying and failing to prove that he’s not trash, and this will probably be his greatest faceplant OF HIS LIFE on that front. But remember how the East Wing is also how you get to the presidential bunker? And remember how we learned during the first Trump term, right there at the end, that Trump is a COMPLETE scaredy wussy weenus Bunker Bitch? Just saying we would not be surprised to learn part of his total destruction of the White House involves adding Big Mac vending machines and golden toilets and also a vault for the Epstein Files to the bunker. Because again, he’s a Bunker Bitch. Maybe he’s anticipating having to spend a lot of time there. [New York Times]
And yes, they are demolishing the ENTIRE East Wing. If you look at the tacky renderings, it looks pretty clear that it’s designed to open right up to the residence. We imagine King Shitler wants to waddle down directly from his toilet to his slobbering subjects below. Anyway, the New York Times breathlessly reported that they were demolishing the ENTIRE East Wing, like it was a sudden change of plans, as if they have no idea how large-scale construction projects work and no clue who to ask about them. [New York Times]
Barack Obama has cut a commercial and has jumped into the fight in support of Proposition 50 in California, the one where California will fuck up its electoral maps in Democrats’ favor in response to Donald Trump’s plan to steal the midterms by forcing his loyal cockgobbling servants to gerrymander him some new seats. By the way, it has over 60 percent support now. People get it. [CNN]
Meanwhile, in North Carolina, which is pretty much already gerrymandered to shit, to the point of it’s amazing we’re talking about democracy only JUST NOW dying — it’s a 50/50 state that has 10 Republicans and four Democrats in the House — the fascistically gerrymandered state legislature has passed a bill to give congressional Republicans ANOTHER seat in the House. (The Democratic governor can’t veto it, because fascistically gerrymandered state legislature.) Here is a pigfuck white yokel Republican state senator named Ralph Hise explaining the fascist Nazi quiet part out loud. Haha, there are no quiet parts anymore!
Amazing how all these Republican states have to do DEI to get these stupid white men elected. You’d think if they had anything to offer the world, people would vote for them freely.
HA HA.
Speaking of white Republican DEI we mean DUI we mean DEI hires, the Pentagon has a new press corps that promises not to do any journalism or make Pete Hegseth insecure about his thoroughly upsetting penis. Surprise, it is full of the Gateway Pundit and the MyPillow Guy’s network! You know, “reporters.” [The New Republic]
Also Secretary Shitfaced says Pentagon staff have to ask him permission before they talk to members of Congress. Yep. This will probably be the time Republican congressmen stand up and reclaim their Article 1 authority, haha, just kidding. Steve Bannon said the other day that Mike Johnson and congressional Republicans are basically the defanged, limp-dicked Russian Duma, and he was happy about it. Meanwhile, Mike Johnson probably likes it that way because he knows which man he’s supposed to obey, and also because he’s another DEI hire who never would be where he is today if he didn’t get graded on a curve as a sniveling white Christian conservative little bitch. [Reuters]
Don’t worry too much, though, because the Washington Times has an article this week — yes, we said the arch-conservative Moonie Times — about how all the generals hate Secretary Shitfaced and think he’s a fucking joke. That’s only going to increase, and it’s bad news for Shitfaced that the conservative media is discussing this. [Washington Times]
Looks like SNAP benefits won’t be happening in November. Makes you wonder if Republicans don’t realize how many of their own people rely on those. Just kidding, they don’t care. Republicans aren’t planning on ever having to win fair elections again. [WABI5]
Hey, you guys, check it out. DR. OZ says TRUMP has a PLAN to repeal and replace Obamacare. [NBC News]
You’d think Stupid Hitler would have more confidence that he can rig elections, what with everybody doing it out in the open for him. If so, why is he ALL-CAPSING with snake oil salesman lies about how New Jersey and Virginia residents need to VOTE RIGHT NOW! for Republicans to CUT YOUR ENERGY BILL IN HALF? [JoeMyGod]
Here’s that article about how doing an occasional push-up or Sit And Be Fit routine is way too fucking hard for your average new ICE recruit. Wait, who are the DEI hires? [Atlantic]
Also sounds like they’re not even really vetting trainees. Let us guess, as long as they can name their 100 favorite racial slurs in under a minute, they’re in, yeah? [NBC News]
You probably want a fun one, well we don’t have one. This “cooking for two” cookbook from America’s Test Kitchen is really good though. I have really really really loved the beef stew recipes. [America’s Test Kitchen]
OK I guess that one was “fun.”
NO MORE FUN ALLOWED TODAY.
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