Rick Perry Not Willing To Be GOP's Third Thing

It could be so good for America

[contextly_sidebar id="MfLYuuJmChkMTIDkYREpls1XTrbF91EW"]As we inch ever closer to White Riot 2016 (hellllooooo Cleveland!), Republicans are sweating balls and bullets and gross glops of GOP sweat to figure out how to stop Donald Trump from Trumping them right in their smug little establishment Trumps. Maybe Marco Rubio can stop him? No, he cannot. Maybe Ted Cruz? Ewww, Ted Cruz, anything but him please. Hey, what about Rick Perry? He ain't busy! Haha, good one. Rick Perry. Hilari -- oh what? You were serious  about that?

The names of a few well-known conservatives have been offered up in recent days as potential third-party standard-bearers, and William Kristol, editor of The Weekly Standard, has circulated a memo to a small number of conservative allies detailing the process by which an independent candidate could get on general-election ballots across the country.

Among the recruits under discussion are Tom Coburn, a former Oklahoma senator who has told associates that he would be open to running, and Rick Perry, the former Texas governor who was suggested as a possible third-party candidate at a meeting of conservative activists on Thursday in Washington.

[contextly_sidebar id="2bcmhVF3YdUKqeh4fmEAdR6ESgwZU0CR"]This, we assume, is the same brain trust meeting last week where Erick Erickson and other prominent Never Trump deep thinkers in the GOP huddled up to figure some kind of plan that might actually work. One neat idea was a Ted Cruz-John Kasich "unity ticket." Oh, how we laughed and laughed at that one. Little did we know there was another even more laughable plan called Rick Perry.

We love this plan. Obviously. Rick Perry couldn't get anyone to support him when he was running for the Republican nomination -- either time -- but awwwwww yeah, running as a third-party candidate should definitely git r done.

Alas, no, t'aint to be:  

But Perry's former campaign manager, Jeff Miller, flatly dismissed the notion on Sunday.

"@GovernorPerry has no interest in running as a 3rd party candidate. For the good of the country, he wants the GOP to unite around @tedcruz," Miller tweeted.

And just when we were dusting off our very favorite jokes about Rick Perry: how we used to call him INDICTED former Gov. Rick Perry, and how those S-M-R-T glasses to look like he was more smarter didn't help him sound smarter, and ... and ... oops, we forgot the third thing. (Never. Gets. Old. NEVER.)

[contextly_sidebar id="ejevw32mEt68U86TfUeb7yB8Zfbare6Q"]Are we heartbroken that Perry is not willing to do the Texas three-step for our amusement? Of course we are. But if we may be so bold as to propose another new plan for the Never Trumps that's so crazy it just might work or at least make us laugh even harder. What about a Cruz-Perry unity ticket to stop Trump? Seems like sort of a natural fit , when you think about it, and not just because Rick Perry is one of only four-and-a-half people we know of who don't outright hate that little Canadian snot rag.

[contextly_sidebar id="aAvFTF0sbuZvVuXRLqAQKn4UcRGu9TIV"]Both men have questionable loyalty to the U.S. of Us, so they'd have lots to talk about together and plenty of appeal to the angry anti-Washington DC voters this year. As governor, Perry used his purty mouth to talk purty about secessionists who figgered if Big Government wanted to mess with Texas, Texas had the 10th Amendment right to go off and make its own country. Nothin' more anti-establishment than that! Then there's Cruz, who chose to be born in an entirely different country, and only dispelled with his Canadian citizenship a few years ago, after he decided to run for president, as noted Cruz-critic-turned-ball-fondler Carly Fiorina pointed out earlier this year.

Think about it, GOP. Cruz-Perry 2016. It might be the best Never Trump chance you have.

[ NYT / Texas Tribune ]