Texas Governor Rick Perry has declared he can't solve the state's problems, so from now on official government policy is "pray, everybody." Perry is holding a day of fasting and prayer called " The Response " at a sports stadium in Houston on August 6th, which everyone can now consider the "effective date" for God's taking over of Texas affairs. "Some problems are beyond our power to solve," Perry said, which includes the state debt, unemployment, public health, disaster response, and, uh, teen pregnancy. Prayer will now be in charge of these things. If anyone has a problem with how these things are going, they can phone God and ask "what the hell," because Rick Perry will no longer be responsible.
<i>And when you pray, you shall not be like the hypocrites. For they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the corners of the streets, that they may be seen by men. Assuredly, I say to you, they have their reward. But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly. And when you pray, do not use vain repetitions as the heathen do. For they think that they will be heard for their many words.</i> -Matthew 6:5-7
<i>Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion...</i> -The First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution
<i>I sincerely hope you&rsquo;ll join me in Houston on August 6th and take your place in Reliant Stadium with praying people asking God&rsquo;s forgiveness, wisdom and provision for our state and nation. There is hope for America. It lies in heaven, and we will find it on our knees.</i> -Rick Perry
If you&#039;re wondering how you&#039;ll eat and breathe And other science facts Repeat to yourself the Book of Joel God says you can just relax!
OK, so here&#039;s what we do: First, all the women leave Texas. After a few months, all the horses will really, really be wanting to leave.* Problem solved. You&#039;re welcome.
If his answers are any good, of course, he&#039;ll be forced to backtrack: &quot;If anyone quotes my answers to Rick Perry, it is a falsehood.&quot;
&quot;And then another five minutes after that, I realized I needed another drink.&quot;
Fixed.
In a shocking twist, it IS M.Night Shamalamadingdong.
Is it Texas or Arizona where they&#039;re singin&#039; &quot;We didn&#039;t Start the Fire&quot;?
Gawd helps them as help themselves, and if it&#039;s one thing the Rethugs know, it&#039;s helping themselves. To everything.
He&#039;s still trying to get it right.
Vishnu could!
Compare and contrast:
<i>And when you pray, you shall not be like the hypocrites. For they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the corners of the streets, that they may be seen by men. Assuredly, I say to you, they have their reward. But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly. And when you pray, do not use vain repetitions as the heathen do. For they think that they will be heard for their many words.</i> -Matthew 6:5-7
<i>Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion...</i> -The First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution
<i>I sincerely hope you&rsquo;ll join me in Houston on August 6th and take your place in Reliant Stadium with praying people asking God&rsquo;s forgiveness, wisdom and provision for our state and nation. There is hope for America. It lies in heaven, and we will find it on our knees.</i> -Rick Perry
Got him into the governor&#039;s mansion, didnit?
Took me a while, but ISWYDT.
Well, sort of a dumbed-down, red-state Shiva, destroyer of overbuilt suburbs and water-deprived grasslands.
If you&#039;re wondering how you&#039;ll eat and breathe And other science facts Repeat to yourself the Book of Joel God says you can just relax!
The guy who invented &quot;Mad Libs&quot; died, according to the tellybision.
OK, so here&#039;s what we do: First, all the women leave Texas. After a few months, all the horses will really, really be wanting to leave.* Problem solved. You&#039;re welcome.
*And the sheep, also.
If his answers are any good, of course, he&#039;ll be forced to backtrack: &quot;If anyone quotes my answers to Rick Perry, it is a falsehood.&quot;
You fail to appreciate the size of the poo-flingingly insane demographic in Texas.
No Newts is good Newts.
(I stole that, but it&#039;s too good not to share.)