Rick Santorum: Know What Really Makes Sea Levels Rise? Gay Marriage.

Pathetic self-parody Rick Santorum took to The Fox and The Friends Sunday to explain how to fix the Supreme Court, after it broke America last week, and make America all better again, and the way to do that is for presidents to stop wasting time talking about fake stuff like "Global Warming" and to instead save the American family from turning all gay. 

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After some frothing nutjobbery about how Supreme Court justices should be elected -- oh, yay, we'd get U.S. Supreme Court Justices Roy Moore and Judge Judy -- and then take every appeal that's sent to them, Santorum helped out with an important question from Tucker Carlson, who wanted to know what Captain Sweatervest would do to keep straight families from "collapsing," now that the Gays are the only ones allowed to get married:

The most important power that a president has -- and obviously I’m running for president -- the most important power the president has is the power of the bully pulpit. Can you imagine if instead of this president spending all his time talking about global warming, if he talked about the importance of marriage and fathers and mothers taking responsibility and raising their children in healthy homes, and actually promoting marriage, not just from the presidency, but in the popular culture and the business community? And actually have programs that support the idea of marriage and togetherness in order to raise children.

That to me is the most important thing we can do as a society, is begin to lift up marriage as an institution that’s important for the survival of our country because too many children are falling through the cracks.

Santorum is clearly sick of all the attention being paid to global warming, which isn't even real science since most scientists agree on it, and as we all know, real science is never settled. And so since there's obviously no benefit to the children of America from keeping Earth's atmosphere from becoming hotter -- apart from the planet's continued ability to support human life -- he'd be the president who would talk about family a lot, which sure would be a change for Republicans, who seem never to mention the family. Someone should remind them to talk about the family now and then, maybe have a research council or an association devoted to focusing on it. It's that kind of forward thinking that makes Rick Santorum one of 1988's hottest candidates.

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Santorum also made some sad burbling noises about how half of the children born out of wedlock do have fathers in their homes, but those fathers aren't married to the kids' mothers, because "now, marriage has nothing to do with children," and the Supreme Court's decision allowing gay marriage has somehow "cemented that, that marriage is not connected to children, and so you're going to see more children growing up in unmarried homes." The segment ended at that point, so Santorum didn't quite have time to tease out the logic of how a relatively small portion of the population's obtaining equal marriage rights would inevitably lead to straight people giving up on marriage, but he sounded really certain about it, so we'll just have to assume he knew what he was getting at.

[ RawStory ]