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Gross Conservative Dating Site Launches, Tens Of Losers To Maybe Get Laid
The Right Stuff: for when all the guys on the pro-Trump sub-Reddits are taken.
Awhile back we mentioned this new dating app for conservatives fronted by Kayleigh McEnany’s sister Ryann – spelled with two n ’s because it’s just so adorable -- and backed by money from wealthy toilet brush with eyes Peter Thiel. Why is this app necessary? Are there not enough TPUSA conferences where young conservatives can romantically
date rape each otherbond over their shared loves of watermelon White Claw and deleting all of Lizzo’s songs off their Spotify playlists?
The app is called The Right Stuff, hyuck hyuck, and it has now launched with a commercial of some of the world’s least fuckable people running through a whole smorgasbord of your usual dating-app-promo jibber jabber. It’s like watching what Fritz Lang would have come up with if he was directing an eHarmony commercial.
And what is it that these refugees from National Review ’s intern reject pile are looking for in the modern dating world? Let them tell us in their own absolutely unscripted words!
“The new conservative dating app funded by Peter Thiel called, ‘The Right Stuff’ has now launched, and women describe what they are looking for in a man: “I like the Alpha-Male vibe.””
— Ron Filipkowski 🇺🇦 (@Ron Filipkowski 🇺🇦) 1664551162
The question: What are you looking for in a partner?
The answers: Someone who wants to have kids? That’s good, liberals only reproduce to keep supplying drag queens with a fresh stream of children they can pervert.
Someone who loves his family? Yuck, sure thing, Olivia Walton.
Someone with an alpha male vibe? Sorry, conservative beta males, you’ll just have to try your dating luck at closing time in Chili's.
Note: yr Wonkette had a bet with ourselves that “Someone I can spend Sunday mornings in bed with reading ‘The Camp of the Saints’ to each other” would easily make this list, but not everyone can be Stephen and Katie Miller.
The question: Why do you want to date a conservative?
The answers: Conservative men know how to treat you like a woman? As opposed to liberal men treating you like, what, an avocado?
Conservative guys have better manners? Fuck you they do.
Conservatives understand their role in the relationship as a man? Got it, no pegging.
Note: We cannot believe none of these refugees from the Hillsdale sorority scene went with “Because they’re better at memes.”
The question: What’s the biggest red flag when it comes to dating?
The answer: A Democrat! A Democrat! A Democrat!
What we find amusing about all of this is that anytime someone puts out a survey in which liberals say they would never date a conservative or room with a conservative or softly kiss a conservative while running your fingers through her hair as she shivers against you, it is conservatives who are quick to scream about bias! Close-mindedness! Wokeism! Intolerance!
We wish we'd had those excuses when we were young and we couldn't get laid. It would have been much easier than simply not being an asshole.
The Right Stuff is invite-only, presumably to lessen the chances that filthy liberals will infiltrate it and make profiles with pronouns in the bios and "having sex while wearing a Hubert Humphrey mask" in the Interests section. That would be a shame.
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