Right Wing ​Kooks Really All Over The Place With The Lisa Marie Conspiracies

They've got a lot of theories. A lot.

As soon as I saw the news that Lisa Marie Presley had died from cardiac arrest, I knew where this was going to be going with the conspiratorial right. Heart disease, the primary cause of cardiac arrest, has been the leading cause of death in the United States since 1950 — but these people are pretty sure it just popped up out of nowhere. Every time someone dies of cardiac arrest now, or even any time someone's obituary says they "died suddenly," the immediate narrative that pops up on all the anti-vaxxer and QAnon message boards is that it was caused by "the jab."

I was not wrong. Most did immediately suspect that this was caused by vaccine, even speculating that "Elvis' daughter wasn't high enough on the cabal pecking order to get the fake jab."

Some on the Great Awakening message board cheered that commenters on the "normie" Daily Mail were "becoming aware" of the supposedly suspicious numbers of cardiac arrest deaths.

Yes, who among us would think that the daughter and granddaughter of people known to have had heart issues, who was formerly addicted to cocaine, would be at all susceptible to cardiac arrest. (Just as an aside, cardiac arrests are actually decreasing  .)

There were some other interesting theories as well, in the comment sections of many conspiracy accounts on Telegram.

 "Unfortunately she was raised as a Luciferian. May God have mercy on her soul." 

 "She was a White Hat. I'm sure she is in Witness Protection." 

 "Time for the demon to move on into another body or they are doing it to themselves and thinking they are upgrading their bodies to a new trans-humanism body with mind/memory transfers." 

But it went further than that, to a place so obvious we should have all suspected it was going all along.

Now, we all knew that the QAnon people believed JFK Jr. is alive, but it turns out there's someone else many of them also think is alive ...

Yes, Elvis. Some of them believe that Elvis is alive and that he is now living as an Arkansas pastor named Bob Joyce who definitely does not look to be 87 years old.

Some speculated that perhaps Lisa Marie had also faked her death and was going to go live with Elvis and Michael Jackson in witness protection.

You'd think — given that they think literally every celebrity and politician they don't like is involved in a secret underground Satanic child sex trafficking cult —they'd be super anti-Elvis (who started dating Priscilla when she was 14) and anti-Michael Jackson, given the accusations, but no. The prevailing sentiment among QAnon influencers is that Jackson was in fact innocent.

One would just assume they would have at least glommed on to the fact that Vanity Fair's Maureen Orth, whose reporting was the initial source of many of the accusations against Jackson, also accused him of having taken "voodoo" baths in sheep's blood and having had 42 cows sacrificed in order to curse David Geffen and 24 of his other "enemies" to die within a week. But no, no they have not. Probably the only celebrity ever accused in a mainstream publication of doing the kinds of things they think celebrities do, and they're not into it. (Just to be clear, I do not personally believe Michael Jackson, as weird as he was, took baths in sheep's blood and had 42 cows sacrificed to curse his enemies.)

This may be because he was friends with Donald Trump, who claimed at one point to have set him up with Lisa Marie.

Patriots Are In Control Telegram 

But I digress! Here is the guy they think is Elvis . I did some searching, and it seems this has been going on for quite some time now. It never occurred to me to check and see if the "Elvis is alive!" theory was still alive and kicking because, well, it's been a while since it's made the cover of any tabloids.

Hold My Hand By Pastor Bob Joyce at facebook.com/groups/pastorbobjoyce    www.youtube.com 

Sure, he sounds kind of like Elvis, but not that much more than anyone else doing an Elvis impersonation.

Joyce is reportedly also friends with conspiracy theorist and former Trump photographer Gene Ho — and at least one TikTok account claims that he went to Joyce's church on January 1 with none other than Diamond and Silk.

 @donaldstone03 

Elvis alive as Bob Joyce , diamond and silk and Gene Ho was at church .

I kind of hope that this means there's gonna be a whole QAnon sideplot where Diamond, Lisa Marie, Elvis and Michael Jackson are all actually hanging out in Arkansas forever, raising goats or some shit.

Lisa Marie Presley died, like many people do, of cardiac arrest. It's sad, but it happens. It's common. It's not a conspiracy and it's not caused by vaccines (in fact, COVID is known to cause the heart problems these people claim the vaccine causes). Also, Elvis has been dead since 1977 and Michael Jackson has been dead since 2009 and vaccines are great.

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