RNC Nixes Presidential Debates, Will Hold Own Debates With Blackjack And Hookers

Future debate topics to include putting the Confederate monuments back up and Hunter Biden's laptop.

Yr Wonkette has long been of the opinion that presidential debates are an incredible waste of time and resources. [Speak for yourself GARY. — The Editrix] For starters, they are not really debates between two or more opposing viewpoints. No, your average presidential debate just tests the abilities of a couple of (usually) septuagenarians to recite from memory canned answers to usually dumb and worthless questions that tell you nothing about that person's leadership abilities or policies, all while a bunch of Dexedrine-amped members of their communications staff hover over video editing software, ready to clip any verbal gaffe, fumble, slipup, blunder, flub, and boner from their opponent that they can immediately take out of context and blast out to millions of people on social media, so that even before the moderator asks the next question, the fuck-up has already been memed into oblivion and written into that night's Kimmel monologue.

Whew. Did we mention we hate presidential debates?

So you might think we'd actually applaud the Republican National Committee's announcement on Thursday that it will boycott all debates put on by the Commission on Presidential Debates (CPD), which has been arranging the damn things since 1988.

(Coincidentally that was also the year that a blow-dried news anchor asked an anti-death penalty candidate if he might change his mind if some sociopath raped and murdered the candidate's wife. Did we mention we hate presidential debates?)

Anyway, we're not applauding because a) Republicans and b) oh dear Lord the whining from RNC chair Ronna Romney McDaniel about how terribly mean and nasty the CPD has been to Mr. Trump ... er, we mean all the GOP's candidates going back over 30 years:

"Debates are an important part of the democratic process ..."

Ugh, no. See above.

"The Committee on Presidential Debates is biased and has refused to enact simple commonsense reforms to help ensure fair debates including hosting debates before voting begins ..."

Republican legislatures are busy passing laws to severely limit early voting, so this one might be moot. Besides, in the case of presidential debates, by the time voting starts the American people have already suffered through a solid eighteen months of campaigning including the goat rodeos that are primary debates. We're done. We're fried. What the fuck else are we going to learn by watching Chuck Todd ask Joe Biden what he thinks his greatest flaw is?

And if you're one of those weirdos who makes your life harder by pretending you won't make a decision until the last minute — maybe not even until you're in the voting booth! — how about you keep it to yourself and spare the rest of us the spectacle.

"We are going to find newer, better debate platforms to ensure that future nominees are not forced to go through the biased CPD in order to make their case to the American people."

Yeah, Lester Holt is highly unlikely to ask the questions high on Republican voters' minds. Questions like "What are you doing to keep Democrats from setting up their adrenochrome-harvesting complexes" and "Will you sign an executive order allowing white people to say the n-word" and "When do we get to start shooting anyone to the left of Newt Gingrich?"

These bias complaints about debate moderators are as old as the hills, and this silly flounce by the RNC is just more red meat to a base that barely has any room left in its arteries. But hey, if it banishes the GOP debates to OAN or Rumble, we'll take it.

Even better, we'd like to suggest to Ronna Romney McDaniel that the GOP hold its debates in a minefield near Kyiv. At least that way the field might get winnowed faster.

[ Washington Post ]

 Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons .