Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Pal Brings Cavernous Farts To A Climate Change Fight

Page Six smelt it, says it did not dealt it.

Leave it to Page Six to get probably the best headline of the entire 2024 campaign season, and we're saying "campaign season" loosely because this is related to Robert F. Kennedy Jr. and not a real candidate.

But considering who Kennedy is and how broken his brain is, it's probably appropriate that this is the headline coming out of one of his big important events.

"Robert F. Kennedy Jr. press dinner explodes in war of words and farting." Sure, why wouldn't it? Were the words and the farts concomitant, or did there simply happen to be both word and fart explosions that happened so near to each other that a casual bystander might assume them related? We guess we have to read the journalism article to find out.

It was a fight over climate change, which makes methane emissions appropriate, we imagine. (Don't blame yourselves, libs. Cow farts still do way more damage to the Green New Deal than your farts.)

Page Six explains that the "polemic farting" occurred at the event at Tony's on the Upper East Side. ("Polemic" is an argumentative word, suggesting that the farter or farters were using the farts as a debate tactic. As you will see, this is true .)

Page Six says two BOISTEROUS OLD MEN! started arguing about climate change. Page Six was there. Page Six smelt it but swears on the Bible it did not dealt it.

Somebody asked RFK Jr. about the environment. (He is an environmental lawyer, when he isn't being an anti-vaxxer or sucking Vladimir Putin's grundle or babbling about the CIA killing his uncle or spewing some more of Putin's talking points, some of which he apparently gets from Tucker Carlson's favorite Kremlin propagandist. )

And, well, "drunk gossip columnist-turned-flack Doug Dechert," who was hosting the event, got mad. "The climate hoax!" he yelled, but not with his butthole.

And then " octogenarian art critic Anthony Haden-Guest , who appeared to have been sleeping happily for most of the dinner, was roused by the abrupt rumpus."

Haden-Guest called Dechert a "miserable blob," but not with his butthole.

"Shut up!" said Haden-Guest. They was just fightin':

Dechert continued to scream wildly about the climate change “scam” while Haden-Guest peppered him with verbal volleys from across the table, calling him variously “f–king insane” and “insignificant.”

RFK Jr. was apparently just watching it all happen. We guess his brain was taking a break from Doing Its Own Research.

This is when Dechert, the climate denier — of course it was the climate denier, did you think it was the one who believes in science? — yelled "I'm farting!" He did that with his butthole!

Page Six says it was a "loud, prolonged fart," punctuated by Dechert's announcement.

And everybody was like what?

The room, which included a handful of journalists as well as Kennedy’s campaign manager, former Rep. Dennis Kucinich, was stunned, seemingly unsure about whether Dechert was farting at Haden-Guest personally or at the very notion of global warming.

Farting at a person is different from farting at an idea, obviously.

(Regrettably, we may assure readers that there was no room for doubt that the climate changed in the immediate environs of the dinner table.)

Told you Page Six smelled the fart.

They say somebody tried to bring up a lighter topic, like Kennedy's father Bobby Kennedy. But some other guest — Page Six says "sadly," but maybe they were just being funny — started talking about climate change again, at which point there was more yelling, but no reports of manmade climate farts.

When asked to comment about his, er, outburst the next day, Dechert told us: “I apologize for using my flatulence as a medium of public commentary in your presence.”

(He also asked us to refer to him either as a “gallivanting boulevardier” or a “beer-fueled sex rocket.”)

"Douglas The Fart Clown" is what we are going with. Page Six used "beer-fueled sex rocket" in the next paragraph, which shows you what suckups they are.)

Anyway, Douglas The Fart Clown told them he was just that angry about climate hoax that we guess he had to fart about it. He's known the guy he farted at forever, but desperate times call for great big cavernous farts. Haden-Guest, the non-farting participant in the debate, disagrees. He reportedly said "I am done with you," during the fart-squabblin', but when Page Six talked to him he seemed OK:

“I didn’t mean it,” Haden-Guest said.

“I am sure we will talk again.”

This Robert F. Kennedy Jr. press event still was more dignified than any political event Donald Trump will ever throw. He's got a farter in his midst too.

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Never forget.

[ Page Six ]

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