Ron DeSantis Is STRONGER THAN *GOD*

We don't know, we couldn't hear most of it over the sound of our own vomiting.

We suppose there are fans of Ol’ Hatchet-Face Ron DeSantis who will watch the entire one minute and forty-nine seconds of this execrable tripe and fall all over themselves declaring it a masterpiece. Those people are giant weirdos .

With his re-election to the governor’s mansion of that humid stretch of swampland and hurricane damage we call Florida culminating on Tuesday, DeSantis on Friday released his closing message. And that message appears to be that Ron DeSantis is God’s tribune on Earth, a man who will protect all of America from the scourges of liberalism and critical race theory and virology best practices and who knows what else. Jews? Ethnic food? The possibilities are endless. A man who will  protect God.  

“I love you, Ron. On behalf of millions of people, never stop fighting for freedom.”

— Casey DeSantis (@Casey DeSantis) 1667572202 

Recognize the voiceover? It is a rewrite of a famous speech that radio host Paul Harvey once gave to a convention of the Future Farmers of America. That speech was intended to flatter and pump up the nation’s farmers, those hardy, salt-of-the-earth types who even by the late 1970s were watching their farms go under and their slice of rural life fade in visibility and importance to the wider culture.

It’s a good speech, such a gosh-darn slice of wholesome Americana that Dodge eventually turned it into a commercial for its Ram pickup :

 youtu.be 

In the hands of DeSantis, “farmer” becomes “fighter,” and a litany of standard farm work and family and community involvement becomes a whole boatload of own-the-libs talking points, familiar to anyone who has been conscious for the last two and a half years, about said fighter standing up for truth, for mothers who want to take their kids to school and church, and taking all the slings and arrows from the Philistines who are arrayed against them.

Or, more or less, “Ron DeSantis works tirelessly to make sure that our children are never taught that slavery was bad, that drag queens and gay and trans people exist, that immigrants are human , that Black people should be allowed to vote , that ladies can be smarter than men lest Ron feel intellectually threatened, that you should avoid that highly infectious respiratory virus besides just intoning, like the Little Engine that Could, you think you can, you think you can, and that anyone mocking you for wearing your little white Dallas Cowboys cheerleader go-go boots into a hurricane zone is just jealous of your shapely calves and manly swagger .”

At least the election is over on Tuesday, which means DeSantis will launch his bid for the GOP nomination for president on Wednesday, which means that we have a minimum of two more years of watching this smarmy asshole with an ego the size of a large gas giant sneer at us from our computer and television and tablet screens. Democracy is so neat.

[ Twitter ]

 Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons .