Ron DeSantis Picks Fight With Mouse. Loses Again!

Weak. Loser.

Mar 30, 2023

Ever since Disney decided ( albeit somewhat delayed) to oppose Ron DeSantis's "Don't Say Gay" bill , DeSantis and his cronies have been threatening to break Mickey Mouse's knees for not bending to their bigotry. Ron DeSantis has staked his political future on these culture wars, and none more so than with The Walt Disney Company itself.

But it seems that the Magic Kingdom had one last trick up it sleeves.

According to the Orlando Sentinel , it seems that right before the Republican state House was set to vote to put DeSantis in charge of Disney's special tax district , the outgoing board of the Reedy Creek Improvement District voted and approved a new agreement with Disney on February 8.

The Walt Disney Co. quietly pushed through the pact and restrictive covenants that would tie the hands of future board members for decades, according to a legal presentation by the district’s lawyers on Wednesday.

So despite DeSantis having replaced five board members with his own toadies and lying about not screwing Florida taxpayers to fuck over Disney, the new board is now shocked at the details of the legally binding agreement.

From the Orlando Sentinel :

“This essentially makes Disney the government,” board member Ron Peri said. “This board loses, for practical purposes, the majority of its ability to do anything beyond maintain the roads and maintain basic infrastructure.”
Among other things, a “declaration of restrictive covenants” spells out that the district is barred from using the Disney name without the corporation’s approval or “fanciful characters such as Mickey Mouse.”

But my favorite part of the new agreement has to be what can be referred to as the "Windsor Clause." (Below, on page five)

[...] This Declaration shall continue in effect until twenty-one (21) years after the death of the last survivor of the descendants of King Charles III, King of England living as of the date of this Declaration. [...]

So the agreement is good until the death of Prince Harry & Meghan Markle's children (and Prince William & Kate's too, I guess) plus 21 years! It's essentially that Ron DeSantis will have to keep his pudding finger fucking paws off Disney's area unless the outrageously unlikely plot premise of the movie King Ralph somehow happens.

...Plus 21 years.

The agreement allows Disney to run its district as it always has by removing all restrictions on how it operates the land it owns. The new agreement also gives Disney the right to review any changes to district building to preserve the Disney aesthetic.

Despite this, the Central Florida Tourism Oversight District’s new Board of Supervisors , led by Chairman Martin Garcia, voted to bring in "Special Legal Counsel" to fight Disney. Said counsel includes Washington DC law firm Cooper & Kirk , new firm Lawson Huck Gonzales (one of its founders is retired Florida supreme court justice Alan Lawson), and two local firms Nardella & Nardella and Waugh Grant .

But as the Orlando Sentinel pointed out, Cooper & Kirk have a nice racket thanks to DeSantis's authoritarian battles:

One of those firms is Cooper & Kirk, which has gotten more than $2.8 million in legal fees and contracts from the DeSantis administration to defend a controversial social media law, a ban on cruise ship COVID-19 “vaccine passport” requirements, and a restriction on felons seeking to vote. Cooper & Kirk’s lawyers will bill $795 an hour, according to the firm’s engagement letter.

But what's a little culture war-fueled scam if it doesn't involve some good old GOP nepotism:

The boutique firm’s roster of lawyers includes Adam Laxalt, who roomed with DeSantis when he was training at the Naval Justice School in 2005 and made an unsuccessful bid for U.S. Senate last year in Nevada.

The firm’s alumni include Republican U.S. Sens. Ted Cruz of Texas and Tom Cotton of Arkansas.

Don't know what's worse: that a breeding ground for the likes of assclowns like Ted Cruz and Tom Cotton will make bank fighting DeSantis's losing battle with Disney or that Florida's tax payers will be footing that bill long after DeSantis is done using it for his presidential run.

And Disney will win. You don't screw with the combined forces of Disney Princesses, Marvel, Star Wars, and Pixar without suffering some truly epic defeat.