Sorry, everyone in Delray Beach, Florida, but it looks as if you’ll have to go somewhere else to get drunk next March 17. That’s because St. Patrick’s Day in the little beach town is, like a conservative who can’t stop saying the n-word, UNFAIRLY CANCELLED BECAUSE OF DEI.
Okay, not the entire day. Just the annual St. Patty’s Day parade, an almost 60-year-long tradition in the coastal town. Recently, the town fathers (and/or mothers, we’re progressives here) announced that they believe the parade runs afoul of the ridiculous SB 1134 that became law in March. That bill bans local governments from doing or promoting or paying for anything that could fall under the umbrella of diversity, equity and inclusion, and the word “ethnicity” — as in you can’t promote any — shows up in the bill eight times.
As with so many other dumb reactionary laws, SB 1134 was written vaguely, with little guidance for the local officials whose authority it overrides. And it contains provisions that allow any member of the public to sue if they see their tax dollars going towards anything that smacks of DEI.
So naturally, local officials are going to be extremely cautious, lest they get charged with a crime or sued by some uptight fuck-nugget who got offended at the sight of rainbow flags on city buildings.
This week, the city posted a letter announcing its decision on its website:
Following a review of the legislation and its requirements, the City has determined that it is legally prohibited from organizing, funding, sponsoring, promoting, or marketing these two events in 2027.
The second event is Pride, which will probably make Florida Republicans happy, given as how SB 1134 paid specific attention to banning cities from celebrating the gay community. Florida officials are now shocked, SHOCKED WE TELL YOU, that anyone thought the law should apply to straight white people. Even the Irish. Irish people aren’t one of those bad minority groups — you know, the ones that have dark skin or like to do gay stuff that Florida Republicans are told every Sunday in their megachurches is against God’s law.
We know what you’re thinking: But St. Patrick’s Day is for everyone! Specifically, everyone who wants to wear green and start drinking Guinness and eating cabbage at the nearest pub at eight in the morning. Gay, straight, black, white ... we’re all the same color when we’re puking green beer onto the sidewalk! Sometimes the same sexuality, too.
You know who’s really pissed? Ron DeSantis. Though that’s not unusual, that guy gets pissy about everything.
Malicious compliance is when someone ignores the spirit and intent of the law. Kind of like when Whiskey Pete Hegseth wanted to put the names of Confederate generals back on military bases. But that was against the law. Hegseth got around it by finding American soldiers with the same last names as the Confederates. Fort Bragg is now named after a paratrooper who fought in World War II, wink wink, nudge nudge.
So, apparently DeSantis didn’t realize he’d have to be specific about which ethnicities get to celebrate themselves and which don’t. He figured the voters were racist enough to get it all on their own. Invoking intent in this context just makes the bigotry more obvious.
In fact, by this logic, the city probably shouldn’t support any civic events that only celebrate white culture, like Christmas parades or drink-and-paint adult enrichment classes.
Sorry Ron DeSantis stole your St. Patrick’s Day parade, white people. But that, like shutting down the community pools back in the day rather than integrate them, is surely a price you will happily pay.
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A moment of silence to visualize Republicans suffering unintended consequences from all their acts of intolerance . . .
"Come to Florida, but we don't want the Irish."
--Florida Tourist Board, maybe.