Ron Paul Tells Dumb Son To Shut His Big Stupid Yap

• Grab your popcorn, it's time for another round of Republican Daddy Issues:  

  Ron Paul, who is a medical doctor, pointed out that an estimated 3,000 to 49,000 people died every year from influenza, but no one was considering a travel ban to stop the flu from spreading.

  “So right now, I would say a travel ban is politically motivated more than something done for medical purposes,” he concluded.

  Aw, heck, that almost sounds reasonable. Except that Ron Paul, the former doctor and former member of the House and former laugh riot during the last Republican presidential primary season, is pretty much a nobody now, so who cares what he thinks? Besides, his son -- who is also A Doctor and A Wingnut and gets to eat lunch at the big boys' table in the Senate cafeteria -- has an entirely different medical opinion.

  “It’s not like AIDS,” he explained. “AIDS is difficult to transmit. You’re not going to go into a cocktail party and have someone cough and get AIDS. If you are in a cocktail party with someone with Ebola and they cough, you are at risk for getting Ebola.”

  The nutjob doesn't fall far from the tree, and we wouldn't trust either Dr. Paul to treat our pet rock, let alone give advice on how to stop the spread of Ebola. But we sure do plan to enjoy the hell out of watching junior run for president, while his dad tells him, "Hush, now, Rand, go back to sleep, there's no Ebola under the bed." How ever will Rand respond? We're hoping he steals the car and stays out all night and then stumbles home drunk and maybe breaks something and yells at his kooky dad, "You're not the boss of me anymore!" Seems like the kind of thing the senator from Aqua Buddha would do.

• We're not good at math, but 23 felony charges sounds like a lot:  

  Alabama House Speaker Mike Hubbard (R) was arrested on Monday and charged with 23 felony ethics charges, the Associated Press reported.

  He's also the chair of the Alabama Republican Party, but we're guessing it'll be hard for him to run the party from his prison cell, where he's facing up to 20 years for all those felonies. Allegedly. Again, we're not good with math, but 20 years? That sounds like kind of a lot too.

• Ben & Jerry's is so mean:  

  Lianne and Brian Kowiak said last month that they stumbled upon the Ben & Jerry’s ice cream flavor and were shocked to read the label. Their 19-year-old son Harrison tragically died during a hazing incident six years ago, so when they saw the name of the ice cream, it made them feel uncomfortable.

  “I saw there was a flavor named 'Hazed & Confused’ and I just paused and I was really upset and shocked when I saw it,” said Lianne. “When I saw this name, 'Hazed & Confused,' it frankly just struck a nerve with us.”

  We have all the not-snark sympathy in the world for the Kowiaks and their loss. But taking offense at the name of an ice cream inspired by the name of a movie and also an ingredient in the ice cream? Come on, now. What next -- trigger warnings in the frozen food section at the supermarket? While we do not personally know the owners of Ben & Jerry's, we feel pretty certain they're not trying to personally offend anyone. They're just slinging some ice cream.

• This is Silicon Valley in a nutshell:  

  Carrot is designed with you in mind. It's a seamless experience, meticulously crafted, from beginning to end. It's not just a vegetable, it's what a vegetable should be.

  You MUST go look at the site. And you MUST watch the video. Trust us. You're welcome.

• Will we never stop learning new and interesting fun facts about King Tut?

  A "virtual autopsy” has revealed that King Tutankhamun suffered a variety of health maladies because his parents were brother and sister.

  Scientists tested the Egyptian pharaoh’s mitochondrial DNA, which is inherited only from the mother, to determine she was the sister of Akhenaten, who was proven Tutankhamun’s father by DNA testing done in 2010. [...]

  The researchers found Tutankhamun, who died at 19 years old, had a club foot, feminine hips, and a pronounced overbite.

• Republican Pat Roberts, the senator who represents Kansas but lives in Virginia, also has an affinity for the Ukraine. Or at least, that's where he keeps his field of sunflowers:  

  The national website Buzzfeed has revealed that the Pat Roberts for Senate campaign has been using stock photos of sunflowers from the Ukraine, not Kansas, for its public-relations materials.

  The photos, traced back to Ukrainian photographer Mykola Velychko, appear at the top of Roberts’ campaign Web page, his Facebook page and campaign news releases. [...]

  Roberts’ campaign manager, Corry Bliss, sought to downplay the “oops” factor involved in using flowers from Ukraine to represent Kansas’ iconic crop.

  “Is this a joke?” Bliss told Buzzfeed. “It’s obviously a stock image used by our digital firm to reflect that Kansas is the Sunflower State. But given the many serious issues facing our country right now, I doubt voters care about this silly line of attack by Greg Orman and his liberal allies.”

  There is absolutely nothing Kansas about the senator "from Kansas." Not even his stock photos. Please mock accordingly.