Rudy Giuliani Just Admitted To Public Corruption, And That Wasn't The Crazy Part

Can someone stick a schwarma in Rudy Giuliani's face until he comes home from Israel? It's bad enough he spends all day spouting lunatic nonsense in the US media, but now he's hoisting that freak flag sky-high at a business conference in Tel Aviv. Rudy went on an extended rant before a big crowd of machers, and it was MESHUGENAH!

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Would Rudy like to fuck up US foreign policy even more? Tell us, WSJ! 

Well, Kim Jong Un got back on his hands and knees and begged for it, which is exactly the position you want to put him in.

Vey iz mir! Aside from being total bullshit -- Donald Trump is so desperate for a win that he's dangling an invite to Mar-a-Lago in front of a dictator with nukes aimed at Hawaii -- what kind of blithering idiot kicks off high-level diplomatic talks by announcing that we've successfully humiliated the guy on the other side?

Maybe the kind that picks up a microphone and admits to public corruption!

The liberal media doesn't like Netanyahu and Trump, so their coverage of them is prejudiced. The case against Netanyahu, at least according to what I've heard, is a joke. The fact that he closed a deal with a newspaper in order to get favorable coverage? There isn't a politician in the world who hasn't done this. It's political. I never filed an indictment against politicians for things that politicians do just to get favorable coverage. [...] When I was mayor of New York, I offered jobs to people who supported me. You do favors for people who supported you in politics.

Just to be clear, Netanyahu is accused of supporting legislation to kneecap one Israeli paper in exchange for favorable coverage from a rival publication. And taking bribes. But Rudy knows he's a good guy, and quid pro quo is just good, clean politics.

As for the Mueller investigation, well, Rudy is now accusing the former director of the FBI of framing the president of the United States. As the AP quotes him,

There are a group of 13 highly partisan Democrats who make up the Mueller team, excluding him, and are trying very, very hard to frame him to get him in trouble when he hasn't done anything wrong. [...] They can't emotionally come to grips with the fact that this whole thing with Russian collusion didn't happen.

If he started babbling nonsense about Oconus Lures, it seems to have gotten lost in translation. But he did float an entirely new theory of who leaked the DNC emails and it is ... Barack Obama! Betcha didn't see that one coming.

I do not know if he [Putin] wanted Trump, as much as he wanted to show that he had influence. He thought that Hillary would win, so maybe he tried to soften her victory. I would not want to bet on what he had there. But maybe the Russian government had the emails, maybe the Chinese, maybe the NSA, who knows? I think that in the West Wing of the White House, too, they understood what a scoundrel candidate she was.

WUT? He thinks the NSA hacked the DNC and leaked those emails to Wikileaks? Don't do drugs, kids! 

But wait, THERE'S MORE! You know that spiffy, secret plan Jared cooked up to magically solve the Israeli-Palestinian peace process? Rudy's seen it.

I've seen the plan. Theoretically, it's a logical plan. But practically speaking, who knows. They [the Palestinians] can not be trusted. I'm not the one who advised the president about the plan with the Palestinians.

Because why not show the president's personal, volunteer lawyer sensitive foreign policy documents? This is all fine. 

Okay, Rudy. Bring it on home. Tell us your opinion on Stormy Daniels and her defamation suit.

I respect women - beautiful women and women with value - but a woman who sells her body for sexual exploitation I don't respect. Tell me what damage she suffered. Someone who sells his or her body for money has no good name.

Ain't he a charmer? And he's single again, ladies! Come on, Rudy, show them you're a damn good lawyer, not just a piece of manmeat.

Trump is the toughest person you've ever encountered, you cannot even claim that the investigation interferes with his functioning as president, because he does not let it get in the way.

There's the Rudy we've all come to love! Good luck arguing that Donald Trump is just too busy presidenting to sit for a deposition.

 Paging Michael Avenatti... 

[Note: Several of these quotes were translated from the Hebrew by Google Translate and then doublechecked and amended by Yr FDF -- yeah, that's right. Presumably, Rudy did his crazytalking in English, so there may be some variation when the audio is released.]

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[ The Globe, Hebrew transcript / The Globe, English article / AP / WSJ ]